Today I got the following email and well…it speaks for itself:
Subject: Overheard from Chicken’s last confession:
Father, forgive me, for I have sinned. It has been 13 days since my last blog update. My cadre of followers (small, but intensely loyal within the confines of their hummingbird-like attention spans) needs to hear from me, yet I am silent as the grave. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Somewhere in New England, and all the way down the street to where my Portuguese neighbors have one of those Our Lady on a Half-Shell lawn ornaments, and I pray to the blindingly aquamarine Virgin to inspire me, I got nothin’. Bupkis. So I’m asking you, Father, to intervene for me and ask the Baby Jesus(Perhaps as a birthday wish when he’s blowing out his candles next week? Just a thought.) to bring me inspiration, that I might blog again. I DO believe in miracles. (And I DO I DO I DO believe in spooks, too, as it happens. The Cowardly Lion and I are TIGHT like that.)
Thank you for your time,
Ahhh. Poetry to my ears. And of course I responded.
Re: I am Saved
You know what I am going to do with this, right? Oh, Yes I am, GG. It is too funny for the world not to read. And lo this long day I have been inspired by thy funniness and now must preach the gospel of GG. I am called upon by Santa, the Faeries, Nora Ephron, and perhaps even the Baby Jesus (who I am thinking has one enormous sense of humor but who also, come to think of it, may be a tad mentally conflicted, and who could blame him…”here Baby Jesus, have some Frankencense and Myrrh, listen to my drums, you are King”…wait for it…. “you SUCK Baby Jesus, now carry this cross and hold still while we nail you to it. This is going to hurt a bit”) to spread thy teachings amongst the humorless masses to further my own narcissistic need for attention through laughter because I am a Lucky Lucky Chicken to have been saved by the cheeky humor of GG. And I will implore my readers, “Come Closer, my Friends. Do not be afraid, for thou art in the house of GG. The water is warm and fine and might be wine cause chickens, as we all know, are not generally fond of water. Be annointed. Go in Laughter. Amen.”
WARNING TO ALL READERS: There will be fall out.
Chicken, over and out (And hiding.)