Please put your books on the floor and take out a pen. This is a pop quiz.
There is only one question. Answer it correctly, you pass. Answer it incorrectly, you fail. Amuse me with your witty comment, you pass with a little extra extra for creativity. Suck up with false compliments, I kick your ass to Baltimore. That’s a loooong way from here.
The question is:
Why hasn’t Chicken posted an amusing anecdote tonight?
I forgot to mention this is a multiple choice quiz. Is it because…
a.) She is engrossed in a Max and Ruby marathon
b.) She was too busy with littleb because once he came home and spotted the can of frosting on the counter (which the stupid Chicken neglected to properly hide in the top secret chocolate safe room) he immediately intuited there was chocolate cake mix nearby and then pitched a hissy fit because he NEEDED to make chocolate cake right now and he NEEDED to do it all by himself because he is a big (f$#@+) boy now? (I have no idea why that swear word just resulted in a link. I don’t recommend linking to it because…Stalkers. Scary)
c.) She was too busy explaining to Teenager Who Lives in the Basement that even though she bought chocolate frosting instead of vanilla, it doesn’t mean she loves littleb more and is unobservant of his preferences, it just means she likes chocolate frosting more. And by the way, she got a call from your school today and you have a little ‘splaining to do, TWLITB.
d.) She was too busy eating chocolate cupcakes
e.) She was too busy listening to a very concise and analytical insurance program comparison, drawn out in minute detail by BigB, and trying to respond in an equally serious manner. While eating chocolate cupcakes.
f.) She was embroiled in top secret email correspondence with her co-workers
g.) She was too busy re-reading her own old posts because she is, after all, a narcissistic chicken
h.) all of the above
i.) none of the above
j.) Top secret reason which I invite you to intuit and comment on. Come on Ashley, this is your chance to use the power of “N” for good. Well not really. Not for good. Just for Chicken’s amusement, which might be a good thing. Chicken certainly believes it is.
By the way, you guys, littleb has now decided that he wants to pee standing up. So tonight he unzips his blue star footy jammies, assumes a manly position at his potty, and aims. And nothing happens. I said, “hold on, littleb, stay right there.” And I run into the bathroom. I said “ready”, and he says, “ok” but he was not okay because he was watching Max and Ruby and was positioned in a direction that would have led to wet furniture, and I said, “no you have to hold your peanut like you were before”, so he re-assumes the manly position, and I turn on the water. Nothing happens. littleb says, “maybe I just have to poop.”
Okay, my work is done here.
Good luck with the quiz. Give it some thought. Sometimes the answer is right in front of you. But you don’t really want to give the obvious answer, right? You want to give the extra extra answer.
The Chicken Crossing the Road has a special treat tonight. It’s about love and wine. A case of wine. Holy wine.