Just a Little Chicken Housekeeping UPDATED

Hi World,

Where the hell have you been???

Just kidding.  I would explain my absence but it is an old story with no plot, no scary music, and no point (but plenty of excuses).  So I won’t bore you.

I have some housekeeping to catch up with.  Thank you Dee at Redheaded Step Child for this nice award:

All you people out there that thought Chicken was not very sweet, HAH, so  there.    Thank you, Dee, for seeing the sweet side of me.
I have to post something about me you don’t know. 
When I was in second grade my favorite outfit was a purple knit pantsuit with a fake belt knitted into the middle.  I looked like a little elf in it except an elf that wore purple knit not green cotton, which is probably what Santa’s elves wear, don’t you think?  I’d show you a picture but I am not good about saving pictures and scanning them.  Also, if I did that, it might lead to future embarrassing school pictures being scanned and posted because I have a semi addictive personality.  You are just going to have to take my word for it when I warn that you do not want to see my sixth grade class picture with my new shag haircut, greasy hair, and stunning Mexican-inspired bric-brac tomato red dress.  From there it is just a short leap to Chicken in her band costume which included a furry hat much like the Queen’s guards wear.  Again.  Stunning.
Next, I have to give it away.  I’m giving it to Girl Next Door, Life as Lindsey, Musical Musings/Stolen Sentiments, Ms. Morgan and Lucky Punk because they are all sweet, sweet, sweet and fabulous. 
Just like me.  Shutup.  You know I am. 
Next, I want to thank Amanda at Brilliant Sulk and Ravenscroft.  I entered her story-telling contest to win some bee-yoot-i-ful wine glasses and I won, I won.  Is this a good day or what?  If you want to read my story and also read Amanda’s sharp, witty and funny blog, follow her link and go to the comments section of this post. For those of you familiar with Sam the dog, she makes a reappearance in the story. 
Here’s a little bit of alphabet catch up.
“N” is for narcissist.  I often joke about being a narcissist. The other day I spent a self indulgent half hour wandering around Borders and I came across this book on the bargain rack for $3.99 called, “Will I Ever Be Good Enough, Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers”, and I bought it as a joke for my daughter.  But then I thought, better read it first because, you know, why give her any future ammunition.
MISTAKE.  I’m very conflicted now.  Am I the daughter of a narcissist or a narcissistic mother?  I can’t decide.  I only know that this book is probably about me, just like that song, somehow. 
“O” is for Ollie.  Don’t you love that name?  If I ever have a cat, or maybe a cute little hamster, I’m naming him Ollie.
“P” is for Pirahna and that reminds me of Martin Strel , who swam the Amazon River (not to mention a bunch of other rivers) in order to bring attention to the importance of clean water and rainforests.  Y’all, the Amazon is like 2300 miles or something like that. And it is filled with these:
Just kidding about that last one.  She lives at my house. 
I hear Martin drinks a lot of wine. So does Chicken.  That is where the similarities end.  He uses his special brand of crazy to draw attention to world issues.  Chicken uses hers to amuse herself.  Big difference.  Martin, We here at Chicken Central salute you.  This bud is for you.  In Martin’s honor I have decided to start my very own award.  I am calling it the Crazy as Martin Strel award.  For all you crazy bloggers out there.  Coming soon.
“Q” is for Queen.  Who is your favorite Queen and why?   Mine is Elton John.  He wrote that lovely Candle in the Wind song for Marilyn Monroe and then when Princess Di died, I remember thinking, oh, he will probably write a song for her now and he totally did.  He must have been short of time though, because didn’t he just change the words to Marilyn’s song?  I wonder how PD would have felt about that.  She was probably fine with it.  She was probably a narcissist’s daughter rather than a narcissist mum, after all.  Then again, she didn’t have any daughters so how would we really know? 
I know, you are all like what the hell is she talking about?  You’ll just have to go to Borders and buy the book for $3.99.  It’s a total bargain, I promise. 
I was serious about the Queen question.  Let me know. K?
I forgot one final item on my list.  Elly Lou, from BugginWord, who I thought was my cousin leaving a comment until I saw her on another blog and realized she had a blog and my cousin doesn’t and so I read it, well, long story, but anyway great blog AND when she commented, apparently alerted to my peanut envy, she left me this link.  Don’t open it at work.  But it is so funny.  Peanut envy is gone now:-)  http://nortygordytherudeone.blogspot.com/2008/07/willy-wigs.html
Ta ta,
Chicken out
(I don’t have time to spell check because I’m getting the glaring “get off the computer” eyeballs from someone who may or may not be but probably is BigB.  You’re going to have to give me a pass on spelling tonight)

  22 comments for “Just a Little Chicken Housekeeping UPDATED

  1. April 21, 2010 at 12:38 am

    Favorite queen? Easy.

    Patrick Swayze as Vida from “To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar”


    Or maybe Queen Amidala from Star Wars. It's a toss-up.


  2. April 21, 2010 at 12:41 am

    My fav Queen is Perez Hilton because there is no other man on earth who could grab the boobs of celebrity women, wear pink mohawk hair, be fat and be THAT annoying and still make more money in a year than our president. OH, and he is annoyingly fabulous.


  3. April 21, 2010 at 1:26 am

    I'd have to say, Chicken, my favorite queen is Ricky Martin, because obviously, I was hoping he was not a beautiful man who liked boys. Oh, well, we lost another one. But, I still find him beautiful, just a beautiful queen.

    My second favorite queen would have to be the amazing Freddie Mercury. We will never hear a voice like that again. Too sad that an insipid disease got him before we were able to prolong the lives of those touched by AIDS.

    And I am NOT buying that book. With 3 daughters, I will definitely think I have f***cked them up one way or another. I don't need any more help in the f****ing up department.

    And I'd love to see the tomato dress! I could probably beat you with my homemade bowl cut and the remnants of chicken pox on my face.


  4. April 21, 2010 at 2:23 am

    Oh Chicken! When you catch up, you really catch up! Good for you. Barry Manilow. There. I said it.


  5. April 21, 2010 at 2:48 am

    Ooooh Miss Morgan, good one. Love PS. He's sort of a pseudo Queen, though, right? We'll call him the Figure head Queen.

    Ninja, you know it is funny but I don't think I've ever actually seen a picture of Perez Hilton. I just always hear the name. Is he fat with pink hair? Huh. I would have thought he'd be all like super cool, super well-dressed. I need to watch more tv.

    Joanne, I'm going to look up Freddie Mercury right now because I know the name but my education has lacked in that department. No, don't buy the book. You'll find yourself considering everything you've said and done for the last 18 years or so. And everything your mother has done, also. NO good will come of it.

    BB-I love Barry Manilow. I think he's a sweetie. He kinda still looks the same, too, doesn't he? Vampire?


  6. April 21, 2010 at 3:18 am

    I love that you just said your fav queen is Elton John.

    Mine is the Queen of England. I just heard that she has bypassed that wet rag of a son of hers for the striking Prince William to take over the throne when she abdicates. Now that's a Queen I can get behind.

    She is also British.


  7. Anonymous
    April 21, 2010 at 3:45 am

    My favorite Queen? Well our good friend JC of course…but one everyone can identify with would be Dame Edna or Richard Harris–(the guy who plays Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore). Viva la Regina!



  8. April 21, 2010 at 11:21 am

    Rainey-it's funny-when I wrote that I meant royal Queens but then I wrote down Elton, being an Ass because I'm like that. I do so love Sir Elton the Queen, though, and it appears I'm not alone in the favorite Queen being a gay male category. If you said favorite King, though, I might say Queen Elizabeth. Being an ass again. Did she really give it to William? Wowza. PD must be smiling down from heaven. Don't you think, though, that Charlie probably said he didn't want it? That he's had enough? Maybe not.

    CB-oh yeah, JC totally! Do you still talk to him? I think I friended him on facebook but he never accepted. Dame Edna is very good. And the only thing I recognized about the second guy was Dumbledore…as in Harry Potter?


  9. Anonymous
    April 21, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    My favorite Queen is Derek Jeter.


  10. April 21, 2010 at 4:49 pm

    Anonymous-ha ha ha. I'm not gonna tell him though. He's a mean little queen. You tell him.


  11. April 21, 2010 at 10:30 pm

    You have reminded me of Ollie Beak and Fred Barker from my childhood.

    You will have no idea and it's possibly better that way…

    But thank you anyroad…x


  12. Anonymous
    April 22, 2010 at 3:05 am

    lol, yes as in Harry Potter. He's not very active on fb–too busy fighting for truth, justice and the American way I suspect. I'd friend him again, he probably just hit the wrong button.



  13. April 22, 2010 at 2:50 pm

    Dinners: Fred is also a great name for a cat or hamster. Glad I could help:-)

    CB-Dumbledore is not activeo on facebook? Kidding. I only wanted to friend him because I figured he would post some very funny things to make me laugh like someone else we know (TC), but if he's not very active, I guess there's no point. I'd rather have truth, justice and the American way, anyway, I supposed. Sigh. I still have you and the coffeenottea family to amuse me so that helps.


  14. April 23, 2010 at 12:39 am

    Chicken! I wanted to write you an e-mail but you are one of those “no-reply” kind of bloggers! Grrrrrrr. So now I have to post this message on your blog.

    I LOVED your comment on my “Puzzle” post! I thought it was the best ever! I am going out to buy a new refrigerator just because of it!

    Change those settings and I'll write you these kinds of slobbering e-mails privately!

    Thanks again for a great laugh!


  15. Anonymous
    April 23, 2010 at 3:34 am

    Okay, caught the “UPDATE” and read the whole posting again. I too am over my peanut envy…also was the AC set “on stun” during that photo session? Makes me realize how VERY lucky I am ;-)BigJ puts all those peanuts to shame! LOL!!!!!



  16. April 23, 2010 at 4:54 pm

    Hi Bossy-Someone else told me that, too, and I had no idea what they meant. I didn't do it on purpose. I was able to change on her site, though so probably can on yours. Thanks for the alert. Glad you liked my comment. Uh…what was it:-)

    CB-you are a lucky woman:-)


  17. April 25, 2010 at 7:53 pm

    You're a sweetie. Thank you!

    Although I am not feeling all sugar dolly today. My MIL is here and it is like PULLING TEETH to talk to her. (sigh) And I can't even blog about it (bigger sigh)


  18. Anonymous
    April 26, 2010 at 3:16 am


    Did the Bears eat you?

    Craving chicken. Please post.



  19. April 27, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    Hey I have read what you wrote. That's a awesome article and I found the article very helpful. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful article on the blog. I found that my article/blog post here which is Building a chicken coop is really on the subject let me know what you think about it?


  20. May 4, 2010 at 8:15 pm

    Hi, Chicken.
    Thanks for the Sugar Doll Award… sorry I haven't gotten around to posting about it yet, but I will soon. Hope you're doing well.


  21. May 5, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    Hi LP. No worries. Things are good and hope you are also doing well. Sounds as though you have been a busy punk!


  22. September 1, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    Could have saved you the $3.99 on the bargain rack: the one and only fortune cookie message I have ever saved (it sits in the revered spot of my spare bedroom dresser drawer where it entertains the dust bunnies that rumble through on the few occasions guests stay here and stir the air in the room), and it says: “You can't possibly live long enough to make all of them yourself.” Deep, huh? And it can apply to just about any OCD complex! (I sure hope narcissism is an OCD).


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