Chicken’s Secret Garden

Hi World,

On the porch of the house that I don’t have, there are well-tended plants on wicker stands, a porch swing, and two overstuffed chairs.  The stone steps leading up to the porch of the house I don’t have are wide and welcoming.  I never know who I’ll find sitting on them when I step out with my morning coffee to take in the day and enjoy the tropical breeze.

This morning, it was Robin Williams.  Yes. 
And I said, “Gooooooooood mooooooorrrrrrning Robin Williams!”
He said, “Chicken.  It’s been too long.  Want to go for a swim?  I brought my trunks.  Like them?”
I said, “Robin.  I adore them! Where did you find twin elephants?”
He said, “Sky Mall.  They’re identical.  That’s rare with elephants”
I wanted to ask if they were African elephants, but I thought that might sound racist, so I bit my tongue.  My tongue was pissed.  It hates when I do that.
Nobody likes a biter.

When I was a puppy, one of my favorite things to do was dig up the neighbor’s lawn. It wasn’t that I didn’t like the neighbors. It was that I really loved their lawn. There was this one spot in the back left corner, by the garage, that was just the right consistency for my little puppy paws.  Also, I’m sure there was something there once; a bone, a dead mouse…I’m not sure, but the smell of that dirt was divine.  I loved to chase tennis balls, too.  I’d chase any ball a thousand miles.  Not frisbees, though.  Frisbees are awkward and they hurt my small mouth. 

Now that I’m an old dog, I don’t dig dirt or chase balls.  I spend a lot of time trying to learn new tricks, but it is hard.  Sometimes I get so tired.  When that happens, I take a nap and dream about dirt and balls, but not frisbees.

Tomorrow, instead of going to work, like I would normally do on a Monday, I’m heading West.  I don’t really know what direction West is, but what I’ll do is, I’ll get on I-95, and then I’ll keep driving until I find a route sign with a W on it, and then I’ll take that exit.  Then I’ll just keep taking all the “W” exits I see.  Sooner or later, I’ll get where I’m going, wherever that is.  Somewhere West of here.  Although, it probably wouldn’t make a difference if I went South.  Or North, although it’s cold there.  East would be difficult without a boat.  I’m not a very good swimmer.

Last night, when I woke up during Daylight Savings Time, I looked in the mirror that hangs on my closet door, and I saw an old farm.  It was red, with a roof that sloped further on one side than the other, although that could have been the mirror playing tricks on me, and it had three big barn doors, all painted white with big red Xs.  They reminded me of Mrs. Waits.  She was a little, old woman who lived down the hill from my parents in an old house beside a big yellow barn, with candy cane striped barn doors.  When I was in elementary school, she sometimes substitute taught.  One such day, she told us that her birthday was on Greyhound Day.  Wait…..No.  I mean, Groundhog Day.  I tucked that little tidbit somewhere in my brain, and many years later, when I didn’t go to school anymore, I was driving by Old Mrs. Wait’s house and I remembered that she was very nice to my older brother, once, and I remembered that Groundhog’s Day was tomorrow, and so it would be her birthday, also.  I went to the store and found a birthday card with a cheery yellow envelope, and I signed it, “Love, the Groundhog”.  I left it in her yellow mailbox in the middle of the night.  I was probably half baked.  I usually was back then. 

Now every Groundhog Day, I look for Old Mrs. Wait’s shadow.

If I could travel back in time, I’d go back to right around the time those white dudes “discovered” America.  In an uncharacteristically unfriendly move,  I would burn their ship so they would have to stay forever and everyone in the homeland would think the ship was lost.  The king would have to write the whole endeavor off on his taxes and the commoners would be angry about this whole New World fiasco the king had signed them on for.  I would teach the stupid white children to fish and hunt and live with the earth, the sky, and the wind. I’d give them moccasins, send them on a vision quest, and hope for the best.  We’d harvest the corn, kill a wild turkey, and give thanks.   

ADDENDUM:  This extra hour, man, I’m so giddy I went for a 40% ripple today!  I wanted to show off the Little Ziggy Super Hero Chicken that my talented facebook friend, Ziggy, made for me.  For that story, you can go here: Little Ziggy’s Blog. Thanks again, Ziggy. You rock. Look. He made me a Super Egg, too.  That’s Chicken’s sidekick, Robin. If he were an Egg, I mean.  Don’t tell Pearl.  She’ll just get upset.

Chicken out

  17 comments for “Chicken’s Secret Garden

  1. November 7, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    I love your secret garden! I hope we can visit it again soon!


  2. Anonymous
    November 7, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    Wow. The new background….bright. And I see you've really been sticking with those ab crunches: really rocking the six pack, superchicken.


  3. November 7, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    Thanks Noelle:-)
    GG. It is a 4-pack. I had a couple ribs removed to make me look thinner. I knew you'd love this background-it is your very favorite shade of Barbie Pink. Do not worry-I'll be shrouded in black again by the end of the week. Just amusing myself today.


  4. November 7, 2010 at 7:33 pm

    Always go West!
    Love the New Look!


  5. November 7, 2010 at 9:56 pm

    Great post. Esp with the elephants. And your header pic? TOO AWESOME FOR WORDS!


  6. November 8, 2010 at 9:36 am

    Fabulous makeover. Truly fabulous. I had to go find my sunglasses just to look at your blog today.

    There's a lot of thought going on in your secret garden. It made my head hurt. I liked that Robin Williams came to visit though. Usually in my fabtasies about houses I dont have the police come to arrest me for something.

    I think you should leave your blog like this….it's so damn unexpected.


  7. November 8, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    40% nipple! I know, I know. It's because I was up all night dreaming about balls, too.


  8. November 8, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    I could spend A LOT of time in your secret garden! I enjoyed my time there!

    I'm digging the new look…..


  9. Anonymous
    November 8, 2010 at 6:30 pm

    While I'm not a religious person, I've recently been exposed to the song, “You can't be a beacon if your light don't shine”. Posts like this, Chick, are your light to us, your Chicklets. We bow at your claws, er, feet. And as for where you ended up this morning when you headed west, no worries. Most of us don't know where the hell we're going even when we think we've gotten there.


  10. November 8, 2010 at 10:24 pm

    Hi Sadako-thanks and Ziggy, the Zigster, gets the credit for the header. And the egg. The elephants are all me, I'm afraid.

    Elly Lou-again with the nipples and the balls? I think a Lou Reed song might be appropriate for this Friday's Uke session.

    Anonymous. Thank you, and you know what they say. It is the destination and not the journey. Story of my life. Thanks for reading.


  11. November 9, 2010 at 3:45 am

    Chicken, the blog looks fabulous!

    When you go west again, I'll hop in the car with you. I won't be able to tell if we're going west, either, but oh, what a grand time we would have!


  12. November 9, 2010 at 5:50 am

    I LOVE this post! So creative. Going west? The vision quest? Fabulous. This is a vision quest in itself. And might I add, I'm really enjoying the pink. Congrats on the new look.


  13. November 10, 2010 at 5:18 pm

    bwahahaha robin williams got his identical twin elephants from skymall!!! i want to sit on that porch swing with you and smoke whatever it is your smoking and take in the tropical breeze and trippy thoughts.


  14. November 10, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    Well get on over here PattyPunker. We'll co-write a novel. We'll only need 15 days if we work together.


  15. November 11, 2010 at 5:40 am

    Robin Williams with Chicken…and twin elephants…still trying to wrap my mind around that. Don't worry, I will, but it's late and it takes me longer to process this week because of that time change and all…
    Very cute egg! I'm going to visit Ziggy right now!


  16. December 2, 2010 at 11:58 pm

    Chicken, have you ever thought of writing a book? Seriously? I found myself very captivated by your writing.

    And now I'm all caught up on all the posts I didn't read in the last two months. I did it in the wrong order, which was kind of fun because I am sort of strict about doing things in the right order; when I was a kid, I had a coloring book that I insisted be colored in order from front to back, even when my friends came over and wanted to come. Yeah. I know. I'm weird like that.

    xo -El
    The se


  17. Liz from California
    February 20, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    Love your blog…just found it via the Blogess! I am always confused, though, by the Christopher Columbus dis. I mean, you write about wanting to 'go west' and isn't that the same thing? CC just wanted to go west, right? I know greed was involved, it so often is, unfortunately. Evolution-wise, species have been known to inadvertently migrate after/during weather extremes via flotsam. Granted, people don't migrate accidentally, but really what's the difference? Eventually Europe was going to fill up and people have to go somewhere, right? Now we want to migrate to Mars or whatever, never mind we'll just trash that planet up too. I suppose we should all just eat more butter and let nature take it's course…if we just went for a normal? natural? lifespan and made way for the youngsters….maybe wanting to live for umpteen hundred years is greedy. We could spend less on healthcare and have more fun, worry less about safety and physical perfection. Not being argumentative, just trying to make sense out of the whole thing!


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