What do you get when you combine red wine + snow day + insomnia?
Free Association Tuesday! Er…Wednesday….whatever.
On Free Association Tuesday/Wednesday, we get up in the middle of the night and babble on about whatever comes to mind without really caring if anyone reads it. We try to use correct grammar and spelling, but this is by no means guaranteed.
Good evening, Passengers, this is your Captain. But you can call me Chicken. Well, it looks like we have some gnarly weather conditions out there tonight, Chicksters, so buckle in and flag down your flight attendant for free peanuts and a $5 beer. And don’t worry so much. It might get a little bumpy, but I’ll get you to where we are going. Wherever that is. Thanks for flying with the Chicken.
Andddd we’re cleared for take-off.
As you may recall, over Thanksgiving, between tweets, I unwittingly fell captive to a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills marathon. I went from, “This is so stupid” to “Hey, are those Julia Robert’s lips”, to “More. I need more” in about 30 minutes.
I don’t know what it is that has me so enthralled; maybe the parties, maybe the clothes, maybe the botox. But whatever it is, it seems to me that in between the bitching, fighting, and catty commenting, these ladies are having a lot of fun in the sun. With pretty dresses. And accessories. It is my current guilty pleasure and I’m owning that right up front. Hey. I’m not proud of it. I’m genetically predisposed to bad television. But this is not a cry for help. Let’s be clear about that.
If you, too, are genetically predisposed to bad television and have been watching the RHOBH, you know that the bad girl Housewife, Camille Grammer, (Yes, married to Kelsey Grammer, for all you non-watchers), has been the subject of much speculation of late. Not only is she not a housewife, so much as an ex-wife, these days, but her cast mates have found, and recently circulated web-wide, some nude photos of her from a previous career. (Because, after all, if you can’t depend on your mates to pump your publicity, who can you count on?).
Frankly, Camille is hot. And I don’t want to hear about the enhanced boobs, the manipulative streak, the cattiness, or any of the other unattractive traits that personify the bad housewife. If you do not think she’s hot, that’s fine, but I challenge you to find a hot blooded, heterosexual male who doesn’t (and it has to be an honest one, not your husband who might get hit with a shoe if he says, “yeah, I’d tap that”). I know, I know. It pains me every single time she purrs that all of the ladies are jealous of her. And then does the shrug thing. And flashes the sly smile. It does. But she’s a little bit right.
Camille looks great. There are naked pictures on the internet. And I want to see them. Am I the only one? I’m not really sure what to make of this urge. First of all, it’s not like there’s much left to the imagination on the show. Do I really need to see pubic hair and nipples to complete the picture? I’m curious, but even my curiosity does not generally sink to that level of shallowness.
I blame genetic mapping. Yes. Somewhere, back when evolution started, after the apes, maybe, but before language, back when real women were cave women, there was no shame in checking out the competition and sizing up the threat. And beating them with an ugly club should the opportunity present itself whilst out picking wild berries.
“Oops. Is that you Camille? So sorry. Thought you were a wild boar. (shrug/smile)”
Now we do not do that. We say, “Well yeah, I guess she’s hot, if you like silicone and peroxide (shrug/smile)”. And then we either look for damaging photos on the internet, or make a play for Kyle’s husband, depending on our perspective. But I could be projecting.
Where was I? Oh. So all over America, women are cheering because they think Camille has been thrown from her high horse. We are oh so wrong, Chicksters. She’s not been thrown. Dude, she’s been launched! She’s single, she’s wealthy, she’s hot (I still maintain), and now she’s famous. She’ll be co-hosting the Regis and Camille show before the end of 2011.
Well, perhaps she might not be pegged for Kelly Ripta’s role, given that Kelly is both hot and well liked, but mark my words, she’ll be hosting something. Right in your face.
Hide yo’ husband.