Chicken Reveals the Secret Language of Families. For the Second Time. Because Almost None of You Read It The First Time Even Though It Was Really Funny. Right?

Hello, World:

You know the commercial about college scholarships? The one where the guy is sitting on the couch watching a commercial about how all parents think their kid is going to get a 4 year scholarship, and the guy looks over at his own kid who is, at that moment, twirling around in his striped footy pajamas with a box on his head? I’m pretty sure I saw that commercial too many times when I was pregnant and that I laughed just a little too hard. That’s all I’m going to say.

In many families, maybe yours, there’s a secret language-a code. For your entertainment, or maybe for mine, I’ve translated a few of the phrases most often repeated in our house.

MAX AND RUBY IS ON, MAX AND RUBY IS ON!!!!!!

Translation: Everyone in the house is about to be treated to 20 minutes of relative quiet and a marked decrease in head butting incidences.

LETS GO SEE IF MAX AND RUBY IS ON!!!

Translation: I’m overwhelmed, my ears are ringing due to your incessant chatter, and I need a break or a drink, preferably both.

I’VE GOT BOOGY NOSE!

Translation: A little help here?

MOM, I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU.

Translation: I need money and/or a ride somewhere. (Never ever does it mean, “what do you think of this outfit”, or “do you like my boyfriend?” It does, however, elicit the Pavlovian response of rolling eyes and clenching stomach muscles)

OH, I MEANT TO DO THOSE BEFORE YOU GOT HOME.

Translation: Yes, I did notice the full sink of dishes and the cluttered sideboard and I had no intention of touching them but saying that I did makes me and hopefully you, but primarily me, feel better.

IT’S OKAY, I’VE GOT IT.

Translation: It’s not ok you lazy sod! What am I, your fecking maid?

HAVE YOU SEEN MY _________ (fill in the blank)

Translation: Could you stop what you are doing and go find my __________

I GOT A CALL FROM YOUR SCHOOL TODAY.

Translation: You are in soooo much trouble you don’t even know.

LET’S FIND YOU A PROJECT!!

Translation: I need to detach you from my leg immediately before I go insane.

I TOLD YOU THAT (followed by long detailed story that ends in “remember?”).

Translation: I forgot to tell you but I’m pretty sure I can convince you I didn’t.

So the next time you stop by the house for a glass of wine, a bowl of chips, and some sparkling conversation, and someone yells from the other room, “I’ve got boogy nose” in a deep bass voice, you’ll know there are no real boogers involved, just someone needing a little help. And since this phrase is interchangeable with the phrase, “Have you seen my _________”, I will respond with “Where do you remember seeing it last?”, which translates to “I just sat my butt down in this chair with a big ole glass of wine and I’m not getting up for love or money to look for your _________”.

Even though I know exactly where _____________ is.

This is just one of the many small ways I am evil. mwwwwahhh hahahaha. But that is another whole post.

Chicken out

Advertisements

  17 comments for “Chicken Reveals the Secret Language of Families. For the Second Time. Because Almost None of You Read It The First Time Even Though It Was Really Funny. Right?

  1. June 18, 2011 at 9:42 am

    Hahahahaha! I love it!

    Like

  2. June 18, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    Yes…we have a secret language going on here at Maison Pyjamas too. “I've got Boogies ” frequently makes an appearance here at the moment which means “Bella , if you dont get me a tissue immediately Im going to put my snot on the lounge/dog/ carpet/you” .

    When I say “I need a drink” that really means “just hand me the bottle – a glass is not going to do it for me” .

    I think I must have missed this post the first time around because I thought it was hilarious and Im sure I would have commented if I'd seen it.

    Like

  3. June 18, 2011 at 9:04 pm

    Chicken! I have missed you, my friend.

    In my house, the one that is most likely to make me smother my husband in his sleep, is the “Have you seen my _______? I left it right here. Someone moved it on me.”

    No they didn't. You just can't remember where you left anything and I have enabled you for over 20 years and now, the party IS OVER.

    Okay, I feel better now.

    My kids do tend to tell me things, but they choose to tell me when I'm asleep in my bed. I wake up with drool flowing out of the side of my mouth to them, saying, “So that wraps it up. Don't forget to sign it/pick me up/come to the meeting. Ok?”

    The best part of our family's language is when I yell, “I'M DONE!” Everyone in my family knows that means Mama has been pushed to the brink and everyone better straighten up immediately. I don't know if it's in my delivery or my wild eyes or just those magical two words, but even the dogs start behaving then.

    Like

  4. June 18, 2011 at 10:53 pm

    “Project” is a dirty word in our house. ^_^

    And I always want to slap Ruby. Seriously I do. But not as much as I want to slap Caillou.

    Like

  5. June 20, 2011 at 6:24 am

    Oh, you are so right.

    “What's for dinner” is code for “feed us now or we're tearing the potato chip bag apart like starving hyenas.”

    CUte post.SO cute.

    Like

  6. June 20, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    in my house i'm the one who always needed a project. otherwise, boredom! franzia could only carry me so long. and if mama aint happy, nobody happy.

    Like

  7. June 23, 2011 at 3:43 am

    Our secret language involves a few more expletives and our beverages usually come out of boxes, but deep down I'm pretty sure our family speaks chicken too.

    Like

  8. June 25, 2011 at 1:39 am

    Ok,all, I feel much better knowing about all of your secret languages. And Poppy. What ever gave you the idea that our beverages don't come out of boxes? Franzia. Hello?

    Like

  9. June 26, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    This IS funny and I'm sorry I missed it the first time.

    I use “It's okay, I got it” a lot. And my husband never has any idea what I'm really trying to say.

    In fact, I'm beginning to believe I'm the only one in my family speaking this language.

    Like

  10. June 28, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    There is absolutely nothing evil about it…its the necessity to survivial! THEIR survivial :o)

    Like

  11. July 2, 2011 at 11:37 pm

    Good point, Daffy. I'm saving humanity here. Thanks. You are a smart duck.

    Like

  12. July 2, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    Flying Chalupa-yeah, I might be the only one speaking my family's language, too. Except for the boogey nose thing. Everyone pretty much has that down.

    Like

  13. Anonymous
    July 6, 2011 at 2:31 am

    Good post, Chicken.

    CB

    Like

  14. July 24, 2011 at 11:02 pm

    It's all about Phineus and Ferb at our place, but the translation is the same. Funny stuff and I am now following.

    Like

  15. July 25, 2011 at 1:12 am

    Cheeseboy-the pressure is on! I need to write another post and soon. Thanks for the follow:-)

    Like

  16. July 25, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    First of all, thanks for stopping by my place- I'm so glad that I have a new blog to follow!

    I love family language. I just think it's so incredible how we invent things to keep us from going insane. And even though I don't have kids, yes, I am a fecking maid. And a valet, too!

    Like

  17. August 3, 2011 at 4:07 am

    Funny! I just say “never mind”…that way, I don't end up in prison. That is not too original, but it works for me and the guy I always say that too.

    Like

Your turn...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Wishbone Soup Cures Everything

One chicken. So many roads.

Style Splash

STYLE HAS NO AGE LIMIT

Bella Rum

Life on the Pasture

I'm Sick and So Are You

What illness taught me about how truly warped we all are

http://myinnerchick.com/

One chicken. So many roads.

The Way I Sew It

One chicken. So many roads.

B.I. Redux

One chicken. So many roads.

Cup on the Bus

One chicken. So many roads.

idioglossia: the blog

Share yourself: problems, joys, secrets, ideas. We're listening.

Examining the Odd

literature, visual art, music and film

Think Stew

One chicken. So many roads.

Procrastinating Donkey

One chicken. So many roads.

Trainride Of The Enigmas

One chicken. So many roads.

Genial Misanthrope

One chicken. So many roads.

injaynesworld

One chicken. So many roads.

The AC is On

One chicken. So many roads.

La Tejana

One chicken. So many roads.

Pearl, Why You Little...

One chicken. So many roads.

%d bloggers like this: