Fashion is a Two Faced Bitch

Hi World,

You look great!  Have you lost weight?

With Labor Day right around the corner, you may be wondering what fashion must haves you should be stocking up on for fall.  Well, I’ve taken some time to peruse the latest fashion mags, and have put together this short synopsis which I’m sure you will find clears things up a bit.

My dears, for fall, straight legs are in.  Unless you like flares, because they are also in.  And bootleg?  So hot right now.  Oooh, and don’t forget to stock up on boyfriend jeans for weekend tailgate parties.

Wear your straight legs with cute ballerina flats.  Or heels.  Or sandals. Or boots:  Short boots, riding boots, cowboy boots, slouchy boots, thigh-high boots, motorcycle boots or cement boots.  Whatever.

Long skirts?  In!  Wear them pleated or pencil skirted.  But you know what is also in?  Metallic minis, yes! But an A-line skirt is flattering on everyone and remember, for fall the buzz word is menswear.

The silhouette for this year is fitted and classic.  Unless you prefer asymmetrical and boxy, because guess what?  That’s so hot right now!  And fitted and slutty is always in style.  And the peter pan collar?  So In! 

Colors are bold and jewel toned.  Unless they are pastel or neutral.  We forget.  Oh, speaking of which, don’t forget to wear earthy tones, so in right now.  And, AND, sweet prints are IT this year.

Shoes:  We still like a nude heel, it so elongates the leg.  Also, don’t forget to add a punch of color or two because strong jewel tones are in.  Kitten heels are still all the rage for fall.  Of course, a killer heel never hurts either-try a stacked heel peep toe.  But you know, take it down a notch this fall because flat pointy shoes are where it is at.  Oh, and get yourself a pair of moccasins for fall, extra fringe, please.

Handbags:  We like totes this year.  And clutches.  and backpacks.  And really tiny purses that only fit your lipstick and a $20 bill because this year it is all about minimalism.  But also it is about sustainability-the girl who has everything she needs definitely wins.  Who has a rose lipstick, a chapstick and a NYC Red lipstick?  You?  You win!  Oh, but you are carrying it all in a faded red 1990 LL Bean knapsack.  With your initials embroidered on the side.  Oh that is sad.  Wait a minute…that’s not sad!  OMG that is so fresh.  So different.  LL Bean vintage, OMG!

Accessories:  Ladies, dainty is in.  Unless you like big, bold and ethnic because that is a classic that will never go out of style.  Diamonds and pearls are oh so timeless but so are leather cords and Native American accents.  Multiple bracelets recycled from used rubber tires?  Oh you go, Earth Child.  That’s so fresh. But then again, we like our silver, gold and gems, am I right girls?  So pile them on anyway you can get them. Let your lights shine, girlies.  Oh, and that reminds me of the Irish.  Have I mentioned…

Sweaters:  Thick and chunky, friends.  Think Irish fisherman.  Over a long flowing chiffon skirt. Ethereal is supposed to be out, but when you pair it with a a trendy cable, presto, it is in again. So hot.  You know what is also nice? The boyfriend sweaater in a nice cashmere, yes, over a tailored white button down.  But really, forget about sweaters for a minute and get yourself a varsity jacket because that’s so trendy this fall.  Outerwear this fall is classic and timeless but also youthful with a playful element.

Fabric:  Ummmm.  What do you like?  Because we like, like, everthing….we like tweed, silk, wool, cotton, polyester….really…we like everything.  What do you like?  Huh?  Huh?

Pair your fall look with bold makeup moves, like cat eyes, bright red lips, and a noticeable blush. But don’t overdo it. Remember, demure is the key word when it comes to fall makeup. A nude lip, a barely there blush, and you are on your way. Don’t forget your Bonne Bell Watermelon Lip Smacker for that sweet retro feel. 

Our style icons this fall are Audrey Hepburn and Brigette Bardot. 

And Farrah Fawcett.  And all three of the Kardashian sisters. 

And Mia Farrow.

So let’s recap, shall we?

The look for fall  is classic and feminine, bold and masculine, demure and over the top.  It’s a mix of 20th century chic and 70’s country sweetheart.  It’s disco meets square dance with
a pinch of dirty dancing just to spice things up.  It’s chocolate milk in a martini glass. stirred, not shaken.  It is 20th century Ice Queen meets 1950’s pin up girl.

Still confused?  You totally get it!  Yes, fashion is a two faced bitch, friends, so my advice is wear whatever the hell you want, just wear it like you mean it.  Somewhere out there, every Glamour don’t is being paraded as a “do”.

Except the exposed thong look.  I think that trend is well and truly over.  I know.  I’m sad too.

Happy shopping, World

Chicken out

  23 comments for “Fashion is a Two Faced Bitch

  1. August 20, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    Thanks for being clear.
    Munk, OK.


  2. August 20, 2011 at 9:55 pm

    There is one thing they don't mess around though: You need to be thin to pull all these diverse looks. Diverse indeed.


  3. Anonymous
    August 20, 2011 at 10:32 pm

    Okay, let's see if I've got this right…(consults notes)…Beyond the thong, you can't go wrong?


  4. August 20, 2011 at 10:40 pm

    Hi Chicken!

    I miss you when you're not around.

    I have always worn whatever the hell I wanted to wear and that includes pajamas in public. I still think the world would be a happier place if wearing pajamas were in fashion. Everyone would be comfy and happy.

    And you will not catch me in straight legged jeans because no one should wear straight legged jeans except those in who fall into the starvation category. Forget it, if you have any kind of curve. It is not a good look, then. And if you're a guy in straight legged jeans, well, that should just be against the law. No one wants to see that.


  5. August 20, 2011 at 10:55 pm

    You should submit this one to a magazine. Too funny but spot on.

    It's so good to know I can stick with the same wardrobe I've had for years and still be somewhat trendy.

    I ceased to give a crap about fashion and what was in about 5 years ago. Now I just wear “comfortable” and try to remember to brush my hair (although Im sure the bedhead look is about to make a roaring comeback!)


  6. dbs
    August 21, 2011 at 4:47 am

    Is chubby in? Because that's all I've got.


  7. August 21, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    I heard elastic is in. It better be. That's all I'll be wearing anyways. And mumus. But only if they have elastic in them.


  8. August 21, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    @Munk Happy to help OK
    @Absence Isn't that the truth! And sometimes, not even sticks can pull it off.
    @GG You totally get it. I knew you would.
    @Joann I agree with you about the pajamas. I know Shay does, too. I actually bought a pair of straight legs last week. Loft has some that are made out of some kind of denim that stretches but doesn't clink. They actually look good. I don't know what the heck that stuff is, but it is magical.
    @Shay Thanks-I don't know if the fashion world would appreciate my humor as much as you do, though. Bedhead is totally in right now. Just don't pair it with pyjamas.
    @dbs-Chubby is hot! Wear it with a beer and a pool cue and you'll be irresistable!


  9. August 21, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    Elly-you know what? Elastic mumus are hot. Just throw on a chunky cable and some motorcycle boots and presto, you are ready for fall.


  10. Anonymous
    August 22, 2011 at 2:16 am

    First off–my “subscription” is finally working–so hooray! Secondly, welcome back. Thirdly, yeah, shopping sucks. Fourthly, I have no fourthly… Fifthly, I'm actually glad there is no “trend” and that I can wear what ever I want without looking “in” or looking “out”. So thanks for confirming!


    P.S. Yea for varsity jackets…I just found mine from 1985!


  11. August 22, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    I always get confused when the seasons change. All I know is, you won't catch me in a fedora hat this fall.


  12. August 22, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    OMG! Will you be my personal fashion consultant? Like my very own Tim Gunn! Except you know, not a gay man.

    This is hilarious. I'm linking to you on my FB page just to show that, while my fashion sense is questionable, I have great taste in blogs.


  13. August 22, 2011 at 11:57 pm

    CB-aw, you commented twice, thanks man. Seriously, you found your varsity jacket? You saved it? Wow. I have no varsity jacket, but I do have a varsity letter (somewhere). From band, though. I don't think it carries the same cachet.

    Meg: Everyone looks great in a fedora except me! Why won't you wear a fedora? Get a fedora for fall already.

    Rachel: I am happy to be your fashion consultant. I'm just like Tim except less feminine and less stylish. Thank you for sharing:-)


  14. Anonymous
    August 24, 2011 at 1:33 am

    Working in Fashion Industry for over fifteen years, window decorating and panaromizing Fashion Statements, I came to a conclusion that you do what you want to do. Mom has tons of maney, so go splurge. Parents got a pink slip, curb your purchases. Low rise and pants that look like you peed in them did not do much except make the person who wears them happy.
    Hi, this is Munir over here at Focus. As much as my neices envy my daughter for getting discounts from brand name places, my daughter sets her own standards – – – -whatever makes her look like a person of good choice is in style !


  15. August 24, 2011 at 4:54 am

    OOKKK< this post makes me wish you were sitting with me right now. You are so perfectly sarcastic and smart ass, I can't help but want to kiss you on the cheeks. And I love how you say Chicken Out.


  16. August 24, 2011 at 11:28 pm

    Oh how I've missed you, Chicken! And why thank you, I've gained about 20 lbs! Which will look great with the boxy and asymmetrical look you recommend. Thank you.


  17. August 24, 2011 at 11:45 pm

    Hi Munir: “low rise and pants that look like you peed in the did not do much except make the person who wears them feel happy” God, I hope so. Pants I peed in never made me feel happy:-)

    Empress-you are a sweetie pie and I love you. I wish I was there beside you, also

    Flying Chalupa. I love you man. I mean, I've missed you, too And you can wear whatever you want and you will still look great. I've seen those secret photos…


  18. August 31, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    yep, this is why i'm broke. every year i have to tell my daughter back to school shopping isn't just for her.

    have to run now, i must have a jacket with a peter pan collar.


  19. September 2, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    Hi Punker-yes, by all means, a Peter Pan collar is a wise purchase for fall as is a tinkerbell fairy skirt. Pick up some motorcycle boots and black tights to wear with it so the fairyness doesn't overwhelm….


  20. September 10, 2011 at 12:14 am

    Whew, thanks for this – I know I'm late, but I haven't started fall shopping yet, and now that I know what to buy? YAY! I can shop and know I'm fashionable.

    So sad about the thongs.


  21. September 21, 2011 at 12:49 am

    Hi Suniverse-don't forget some opaque stockings. I hear you can even wear them with open-toed shoes now. Of course, if you are going with the bold color format for hose, you might have to match the color, but really, I'm not sure. Whatever. Start your own trend. I'll totally follow you anywhere. I wonder if skin-toned thong exposure is ok? What do you think?


  22. November 7, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    According to people of walmart, you can never go wrong with skin-toned pants or thongs. The tighter the better.
    In face, we should just start referring to skin-toned anything as camouflage, for the truly minimalistic fashionistas.
    Myself, of course, included-bring on the nude unitard, I'm stepping out!


  23. November 7, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    By the way, in face is the hip way to say in fact…..
    Just FYI


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