It was just my accessories; talking about me again.
Snakeskin belt: Oy, I feel like a bungee cord must feel at the end of a hard day. If that woman keeps inhaling cookies, I swear I’m just going to come flying apart one of these days. Guess what she had for lunch today?
Scarf, Summer bag, Baseball hat: What?
Snakeskin belt: Chipotle. The bitch had Chipotle, and not even the burrito bowl, no. She had the whole burrito with the carnitas, the cheese, sour cream…everything. And she didn’t hold back on the guacamole and chips, either!
Scarf: (laughs) Yeah, she claims guacamole is a “health” food. I heard her tell someone that. I wanted to scream, “Avocados, Moron! Avocados are a health food. A cup of guacamole stuffed into your face on fried tortilla chips, not so much!.”
Baseball hat: (snickers) What, no beer? Was she sick?
Snakeskin belt: She was working. I was spared the beer.
Baseball hat: Aw, man, you’re lucky. Last time she wore me there was a lot of beer, and by a lot, I mean a bloody ocean of beer. She left me hanging on the stall door hook in the restroom at Chili’s. Ewww. I need a shower just thinking about it. Then, when she finally comes back again, she sees me hanging there, and says, “Oh! There you are.” Like I grew legs and walked off.
Necklace: (chiming in from the jewelry box) So what did she have for dessert?
Snakeskin belt: What do you think?
Necklace: Dairy Queen? Peanut Buster Parfait?
Snakeskin belt: You got it, ’cause what’s a little sugar rush when you’ve already consumed 5,000 carbohydrates anyway, am I right?
Scarf: And plus, peanuts are GOOD for you, bwah ha ha ha…
Necklace: Did she dribble it down the front of her shirt?
Snakeskin belt: Of course! Why should today be different from any other day?
Baseball hat: (laughing) Were any of you guys there that time she went to Fenway? Oh. My. God. It was epic. All her favorite things-hot dogs, peanuts, beer, fries and testosterone. And still, it might have been okay, if it hadn’t been for that fly ball.
Summer purse: Oh my God, I remember that! She looks up, see’s the ball coming right at her, stands up to catch it, gets a little dizzy, trips over me…..
Summer purse and Baseball hat: (in unison) AND FALLS INTO THE NEXT ROW! BEER EVERYWHERE!
(Insert screaming laughter here)
Scarf: Classic Chicken! What a klutz.
I yanked open the door and glared into the darkness.
They don’t fool me.
|Accessories for sale. Dirt Cheap.|