Dear Target:

Dear Target:

I will be shopping in your store on Black Friday from 2 PM to approximately 4 PM.  Thank you for limiting store occupancy during this period to 50 occupants or less.  While I normally prefer far fewer people sharing my shopping experience, I am aware that you have a business to run.  I am willing to compromise.  I will, however, require a dedicated register and register attendant at all times.  Also, if your people could do a quick clean-up of all the aisles before I arrive, I would be most appreciative.  This will most likely require closing an hour before my scheduled arrival, but I think you’ll find that the time spent organizing will much enhance my shopping experience.   Don’t forget the bathrooms!  Finally, I will require an additional 20% discount off your already low prices as your prices are not that low.  It goes without saying,  I assume, that you’ll have an able-bodied, background-checked, attendant to valet my Hyundai.

Thank you for your attention to these matters.  I look forward to shopping with you this Black Friday.

Warm regards,


  18 comments for “Dear Target:

  1. November 29, 2013 at 3:31 am

    I am sure all your needs will be met by the friendly and eager employees lucky enough to work Black Friday.


  2. November 29, 2013 at 3:47 am

    What, no request for complimentary finger foods and wine/coffee? Have you sent that letter yet? There's still time to fix it!


  3. November 29, 2013 at 3:51 am

    Hi BB! When you are passionate about your job and filled with holiday cheer, no request is too entitled. In Narnia.


  4. November 29, 2013 at 3:52 am

    Jenny- knew I was forgetting something! Target? Are you listening? What Jenny said.


  5. November 29, 2013 at 4:50 am

    You are a riot! I don't know why I didn't think to send a similar letter to the Kansas City airport to ask them to keep the rest of the holiday travelers out of my way. Plus I would respectfully request that no TSA agent feel the need to pat anything on my body. AND the 3 oz. or less liquids is just silly. Sonic cups hold 44 oz.


  6. dbs
    November 29, 2013 at 5:31 am

    I want this as my superpower too.


  7. November 29, 2013 at 12:12 pm

    Target has finally come to Canada, but I have yet to target them. There was a time, when I would cross the bridge to Port Huron to buy tennis balls at Target. The world was different then.


  8. November 29, 2013 at 1:03 pm

    LOL, I sit here alone this morn as my wife and oldest headed out into the war zone at 5:30. They did not send out letters. They also drove the not so far dented minivan. I am afraid for the van.

    I did shop(and buy) from Targets website. I wore clothes however. You know, with the NSA watching our buying habits.

    Good luck little lady.


  9. November 29, 2013 at 2:54 pm

    Cheryl-try it next time and if they let the sonic cup slide, make sure they reserve an in-flight bathroom for you, as well!


  10. November 29, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    DBS-if we both aced the super power of manifestation, we wouldn't even need to go shopping. We could enjoy a nice cup of coffee and wait for it all to come to us. Note to self: Must go to Amazon and buy self-help manifestation manaul


  11. November 29, 2013 at 2:57 pm

    AC so where do you buy your tennis balls now if not at Target? To me, Target is the lesser of the super store evil overlords.


  12. November 29, 2013 at 2:59 pm

    Hi SS, secret between you and me and the internet. You could not pay me enough to get me out of my pajamas today and into a store. Well, you probably could, but it would cost you a lot.


  13. November 29, 2013 at 11:36 pm

    I think allowing them to have any other customers in the store when you do your shopping is extremely generous of you. But I would request the wine and a cheese tray.


  14. November 30, 2013 at 1:14 am

    And I would add a complimentary mani and pedi as well…


  15. November 30, 2013 at 5:04 am

    Thank you, Jayne. I think you are right. What say you, Target?


  16. November 30, 2013 at 5:07 am

    Shelly, yes yes yes, in fact, lets us girls all just forget target and go to a spa instead. A wine/cheese/mani/pedi/finger food spa. Let's get massages, too


  17. November 30, 2013 at 8:45 pm

    I've shredded my Christmas list and pencilled in a girls' day. Done.


  18. December 1, 2013 at 5:11 am

    Done! Not shopping. That probably won't get done. Unless Target has personal shoppers….do you think??


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