Did you make any? What are they? Do you anticipate keeping them? Have you ever kept a single resolution you’ve made?
I make half-assed resolutions which go something like this: I, Chicken, will henceforth eat less, drink less, exercise more, and be a better relative. Usually these statements are more emotional and follow several glasses of champagne. Also, important to note, they are silent resolutions, made after the midnight kisses, lights out, and just before the final curtain falls on my inebriated consciousness
Which is handy, because it allows me to forget them by 11 AM when we go to brunch, eat cheesy egg things, drink Bloody Mary specials and bicker with the relatives before returning home for a long afternoon nap.
Anyway, moving on.
This year, I decided to make some actual resolutions; resolutions that will improve my life, well being, and increasingly complex mood.
In 2014 I vow to…..
1. Be comfortable. If it is not comfortable, I’m not wearing it. Good-bye leopard print stilettos, hello kitten heels.
2. Stop watching paranormal investigation shows. Why are they all so stupid? I like paranormal things. It’s a hobby of mine. But I can’t watch one more over-dramatization of an orb or a shadow. Except for the RI Show. They are the real thing.
3. Be hobby-free. If it’s a hobby it’s not for me. If you don’t know me, I am sure you know someone like me. I’m the person who has a new passion ever few months and all the bells and whistles to go with it. Jewelry making, linoleum block printing, egg carving, rug weaving, ethnic mask construction, Wiccan fashion design, artisan glass door knobs….what do you like? I have a starter kit for it. If you are just like me and need some hobby supplies, come to my garage sale.
4. Give up on the garage sale I’ve been vowing to hold for the last five years. I hate garage sales. I’m taking away this pressure in 2014. If you need some hobby supplies, just email me. We’ll work something out. Unless Bravo calls me and asks to film a reality show about my future garage sale which will become my new hobby, and will most likely end in court because even with contractual obligations, I’m not sure I’m up to it.
5. Rent a dumpster. I don’t think Bravo is going to call me.
Wishing all of you out there a happy and productive 2014.