If You Give a Chicken a Glass of Wine

If you give a Chicken a glass of wine she will want a cigarette to go with it.

You will point out that smoking is not healthy for man nor fowl. She will agree with you and thank you for the reminder. She’ll have another glass of wine instead.

Ten minutes later she will ask you to drive to the store for munchies.  She will load up your arms with three kinds of dip, potato chips, corn chips, Doritos and cheese curls.  Just in case, she’ll throw in another bottle of Chardonnay.  Then she will ask the clerk for some cigarettes.  Chickens are impulsive, devious creatures. You know that.  What were you thinking?

On the way home the song “Don’t Stop Believin'” circa 1981 will come on your radio and she will yell, “This is my FAVORITE song!!”.  She will roll down your windows, turn up the volume and sing along even though she only knows the first line and the chorus.  That second glass of wine is starting to kick in.  She will stick her head out of your sky roof and yell, with no particular connection but much passion, “I love you Bruce!!!”.

When she comes back inside the car her hair will look like it did in 1981.

Her hair will remind her of blue eye shadow and cute boys.

And she will want some.

At the next stop light she will notice a convertible full of cute boys.  She will have her head out of the sun roof, just about to invite them back to your place, when you will pull her back down and remind her firmly that she is no longer 18.  Thank God for you.

This will, however, remind her that once she was 18, and she will want to go to look at your old high school yearbook.  There, among the corn chips, the dip and the second bottle of Chardonnay, she will be hit by a tsunami of nostalgia.  She might weep a little.  She will want to get dressed up in old prom dresses.

Once you are both dressed in old prom dresses and blue eye shadow, she will want to take a picture.  While you load her selfie onto her Facebook page, she will decide that she NEEDS to hear “Stairway to Heaven”, her prom song, and will search frantically through all of your old cassettes. She’ll forget about “Stairway to Heaven” when she comes across “Jesse’s Girl”.  She’ll once again proclaim, “This is my FAVORITE song” while singing loudly and out of tune, with traces of orange cheese curl powder around her mouth.

Not pretty.  And you’ve been patient.  You will suggest watching your DVD of  “Flashdance”.  Chicken will be all for it, but first, she will need to rip up one of your old sweatshirts.

And chances are, if you give her a sweatshirt and watch Flashdance, she is going to ask for another glass of wine.

Chicken out

This is not Chicken.  It might be Chicken’s hair in 1981, though.
(revised from 2011 post:  If you give a Chicken a glass of chardonnay)

  18 comments for “If You Give a Chicken a Glass of Wine

  1. January 28, 2014 at 3:16 pm

    I love it! I vote for more wine for Chicken.


  2. January 28, 2014 at 3:25 pm

    I think Chicken is a fun chick to be around~


  3. January 28, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    I am not sure there is enough wine to make me nostalgic for the hairdos of my youth (the 1960s and 70s) but I get your point about lapses of wanting to go back and revisit our youth. I am getting old enough now that it's harder to remember ever being young. I think that is a blessing.


  4. January 28, 2014 at 5:15 pm

    Shades of the “if you give a mouse a cookie” books! I love it! Normally I am not big on nostalgia, but I'm thinking Shelly is right – Chickie would make it fun.


  5. January 28, 2014 at 7:21 pm

    Delightful vignette! A refreshing cruise in a safer world.


  6. January 28, 2014 at 11:51 pm

    Too funny. I've brought a bottle with me.. gotta corkscrew?


  7. January 29, 2014 at 4:48 am

    thank you Betty…wait..is that a bribe? Whatever, I am in.


  8. January 29, 2014 at 4:52 am

    Hi Shelly, she is when she keeps in good company:-)


  9. January 29, 2014 at 4:53 am

    Hi Cheryl, I am always shocked when I stop to think how long ago it was. Seems like it was yesterday. Then again, I was slow to mature, so it practically was.


  10. January 29, 2014 at 4:55 am

    Hi Jenny, I love that whole series. Which one is your favorite? I like Pig/Pancake but that could be because that's the one my kids made me read the most


  11. January 29, 2014 at 4:56 am

    Hi Geo, yes, exactly!


  12. January 29, 2014 at 4:56 am

    Does the Pope have a cross? I'll be right over.


  13. January 29, 2014 at 12:13 pm

    Sounds like a fun chicken.


  14. January 29, 2014 at 5:51 pm

    My favourite was the mouse, because that's the only one I knew existed 🙂 (My kids are older than yours, I think) But in the process of checking into this on wikipedia, I did find out that the book was rejected NINE times before finally being picked up for publication. That is astonishing to me and probably to any parent who has seen their child's eyes light up reading this book!


  15. January 30, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    I'm pretty bland, AC, like most chicken. Add wine for flavor. But not too much! No one likes a sloppy coq Au vin.


  16. January 30, 2014 at 12:15 pm

    Wow that's hard to believe! I'm so happy they found a publisher.


  17. January 30, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    You are one funny, funny, hen's assistant. Just wish you posted more.


  18. January 31, 2014 at 10:51 pm

    Hi Geezers, me too!!


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