Time Thief

So wait a second.  You’re telling me that if I swim out to the middle of the pond and then dive under the water, I’ll see a rock formation.


And if I swim down to the rock formation and touch one of the stones and then swim back up to the surface, I’ll be in another dimension.


You’re full of shit.

What does that mean?

What do you mean, “What does that mean?”?  It means you’re full of shit. You’re a liar.

I’m not.  It’s true.

How do you know?

Because I did it.


This morning.  Just before I met you.

So shouldn’t you be somewhere else?

I am somewhere else.  I’m here.

No shit, Sherlock.  So you’re saying you’re not from here?

No.  You’ve been calling me “fucking weird” all day.  Why do you think that is?

You are fucking weird.  And you’re full of shit.

I’m not.

Ok, where are you from?  Mars?

No, I’m not an alien.  I just arrived from a different time zone.  2218.

So you expect me to believe that this pond still exists two hunnert and forty somethin’ years from now?  And that you went swimming and ended up here?

No.  There wasn’t a pond.  Just the rocks.  When I went into the rocks, I became dizzy and fainted.  When I came to, I was in water. Then I stumbled into your camp and you told me it was 1972.

You’re shittin’ me.

I’m not.  If you don’t believe me, try it.  

I’m not tryin’ it.

Why not?  What have you got to lose?  Do you want to go back to jail?

No, I don’t want to go back to jail, but I sure as shit don’t want to go to 2218 either.  Not that I would because you’re full of shit, but even if you weren’t, I wouldn’t want to go.


I’m not.

Yes you are.  You’re afraid

Listen, asshole, I’m about to beat you into next week and I won’t need any pond stones to do it, so shut your trap.

Come on.  Try it.  I’ll go with you.

I’m not go…..did you hear that?

The barking?  Yes.  I heard it.

Shit, they’re using the dogs.  Shit shit shit.

You like this word, “shit”.

It’s just a fucking word.  Jesus, you’re so fucking weird.  Let’s go.

Where are we going?


  25 comments for “Time Thief

  1. February 24, 2014 at 4:57 am

    Delightful! I love time travel, even at this steady pace forward. Nicely done.


  2. February 24, 2014 at 7:07 am

    What a fun read. I like the word shit as well and have no desire to be in 2218. Even if I didn't look it, I would hate to admit my age being over 200. OR… worse yet, what if I got to 2218 and I looked like I was in my 200's! Shit, shit, shit.


  3. February 24, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    This made me chuckle- I can so see myself believing this when I was a kid. Gullible was my name. Great story-


  4. February 24, 2014 at 5:21 pm

    I love the idea of time travel. Great story, Chickie!


  5. February 25, 2014 at 12:06 am

    This confirms my suspicions that your time travel might be less sedate? Where do you go and, more importantly, how do you get back? Or have you gone back yet?


  6. February 25, 2014 at 12:07 am

    Cheryl, I “may” have written this whole post only because I had an overwhelming desire to swear.


  7. February 25, 2014 at 12:08 am

    Hi Shelly, thank you. Unofficial poll: If this was true and you knew where this pond was, would you take the plunge?


  8. February 25, 2014 at 12:12 am

    Hi Jenny_o. Me too. It's all that Diana Gabaldon reading I did back in the day. The Time Traveler's Wife was really fun, too. And then, traveling to the WAAAAY waay back, now, there was Omni magazine. I loved Omni.


  9. February 25, 2014 at 1:29 am

    Damn, you are a helluva lotta fun to read, always.


  10. February 25, 2014 at 2:19 am

    Thank you, Geezers


  11. February 25, 2014 at 2:27 am



  12. dbs
    February 25, 2014 at 3:25 am

    Some characters swear. Some don't. I enjoy the tension when they come together.


  13. February 25, 2014 at 5:15 pm

    I remember being there yesterday, and I am here today, but I am not sure which is which tomorrow!
    Or if time is at all involved.

    I have a pond but have never gone down very deep into the middle — too many catfish.


  14. February 25, 2014 at 6:17 pm

    I love this! So inventive and a great sense of urgency in the short quips of dialogue.


  15. February 26, 2014 at 12:07 am

    Thanks DBS


  16. February 26, 2014 at 12:09 am

    The only thing I know for sure is that the day after yesterday is the day before tomorrow. I think that's right. I'm not fond of ponds, myself. Those mucky bottoms.


  17. February 26, 2014 at 12:10 am

    Thanks Jayne-I appreciate the feedback


  18. February 26, 2014 at 11:38 am

    So, where do I buy the book? Excellent, engaging.


  19. February 27, 2014 at 1:29 am

    This comment has been removed by the author.


  20. February 28, 2014 at 7:57 pm

    This was fucking fascinating.


  21. February 28, 2014 at 10:55 pm

    I am in awe of your imagination! Keep up the good work, I love it!


  22. March 2, 2014 at 12:01 am

    Thanks Linda-just playing:-) Congrats on YOUR story getting published-that is great news!!


  23. March 2, 2014 at 12:02 am

    Thanks Meg, that's so nice of you to say.


  24. March 25, 2014 at 6:45 pm

    Thanks AC:-)


  25. March 25, 2014 at 6:45 pm

    Thanks AC:-)


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