In the style of great brands everywhere, we would like to buy your loyalty. Here, have some points! We’re literally sprinkling points everywhere, see them? Get them! Grab some pretty sparkly points why don’t ya. Here’s a thousand points for your e-mail address, which we will litter with urgent calls to action, each and every day. We’ll give you ten thousand points every time you click our link. Refer us to a friend, we’ll give you 25,000 points. If that friend leaves their favorite blog and swears fealty to the House of Chicken, we’ll reward your friend with 100,000 points and a lifetime Golden Egg membership.
We here at Chicken’s Consigliere are literally paving your way across the road with points, points and more points. Why? Well, that’s the million dollar question, isn’t it?
What can you and your friends buy with Chicken Points? Let us tell you about our membership benefits. You can trade 50,000 points for an imaginary stay in the imaginary luxury accommodations of your choice. Just think, you can imagine yourself by a beautiful pool or waterfall or stone fireplace (your choice!!) You can sip imaginary cocktails while imaginary fairies, cowboys and naughty minxes anticipate your every need.
You can also trade Chicken points for magic carpet ride points to anywhere in the universe. That’s right-we’ve teamed up with Sir Richard Branson, who’s starting a magic carpet ride service to go along with his airline, rocket ship, and submarine services. It’s not just a magic carpet ride. It’s a Virgin carpet ride.
You’re a saver not a spender? You’re a Blog Warrior who spends 211 days a year reading blog posts? We salute you! With the points you’re earning, you’ll reach Golden Egg status in no time. You’re basically God in our blogosphere. You can buy a blog posting on any subject you choose and Disney will build a theme park to go with it. We’ll send you your own Iron Throne. And a dragon. Not only that, but every time you stop by our blog, you’ll have your choice of bottled water OR 500 extra Chicken points.
Here at Chicken’s Consigliere, we strive to exceed your blog expectations. When you complain that our last blog post was trite and distasteful, we’ll cough up an extra 5,000 points for your wasted time. We’ll upgrade you to top commenter just because your imaginary towels weren’t fluffy enough. Oh no! Did you lose the link to our website and miss our last blog post? That’s totally our fault. Please, accept these 50,000 extra points and a personal letter of apology from the Chicken. And, by the way, should you ever feel inconvenienced or disappointed in our blog, please, call Mr. Chicken’s office and let him in in on your hurt and disappointment. We can’t improve unless you tell us where we’ve failed. And believe me, we are prepared to reward you mightily for being that squeaky blog cog. We believe in nothing more than the entitlement of our loyal members.
We’re not just a blog. We’re family. In fact, we love you more than your family. Does your family give you 40,000 loyalty points because your throat is sore from yelling about your lost phone charger? The one you lost? No? Didn’t think so. They don’t care about your charger or your sore throat. They’re rolling their eyes at you. So are we-but here’s 40,000 extra points AND a bottle of water, just for your outrage. Please accept our apologies. We’re sorry you lost your phone charger. Totally our fault.