Box of Wine

Tonight I succumbed to a box of wine.  This isn’t just any box of wine, it’s a gold medal winning box of wine.  I didn’t realize that boxing wine was an Olympic sport, but apparently it is, and my wine won.  Out of all the other boxes of wine, my box of wine prevailed.  I feel pretty good about that.  I feel like I also prevailed. It takes a certain personality, you know, to buy a box of wine.  It takes a personality that isn’t afraid to stand in line on a Saturday night with a box containing the equivalent of 4 bottles of wine for roughly the cost of one really good bottle (“really good” being kind of a personal measurement, you understand).  And I just want to pause here to mention that it was a really long line.  I was in line for a long time with this box.  The people ahead of me seemed to be having an issue with their 17 different kind of craft beer, and the line behind me just kept getting longer and longer, with all eyes glued, I imagine, on my gold medal winning box of wine. But I did not care.  I’ve heard the siren call of wine boxes before and have resisted.  I’ve told myself my line is drawn at screw caps.  But this wine, well, it’s won awards.  I haven’t won any awards.  Who am I to turn my nose up at award-winning wine just because it’s stuck inside the box.  Sure, we all like to think outside the box, but I am here today to advocate, perhaps, thinking inside this particular box.

It takes up less room in my fridge.  It doesn’t use up cork resources.  It’s easier to recycle than glass.  It’s 4 bottles of wine, for God’s sake, in one square foot space. It’s award winning.  In case I’ve forgotten to mention that.

After I bought my box of wine, I went to Whole Foods to buy some food.  Is it just me or is Whole Foods getting more annoying every day?  Between the vegans, the hipsters, the hippies and the yuppie throwbacks, I can’t seem to get close to anything I want to buy, and I swear they are piping in subliminal messaging that causes people to stand in place, swaying side to side like sun flowers, examining each and every choice of organic, small batch, grains.  I don’t fit in here.  I’m just this average person who wants to buy 2.5 pounds of bone-in chicken thighs and some almond milk, for God’s sake.  And then I want to go home and pour a nice glass of wine out of my convenient box spout and call it a day.  Is that too much to ask?

Award winning box of wine

  11 comments for “Box of Wine

  1. June 3, 2014 at 12:17 am

    Oh, honey. 🙂 The Black Box. Where do you live again? I'm, like, semi-addicted to the — oh, crap. What's the name there, the dessert wine starting with “M” that I've been drinking like it's my full-time job? Which it's not, by the way, I have a job, and it's not drinking wine. It's listening to people with PhDs and MBAs talk about smart stuff — and understanding ever-so-little of it.

    Seriously, though. We should get together some time. I'll bet we're funny. 🙂



  2. June 3, 2014 at 12:18 am

    It's gonna bug me that I can't remember the name of that lousy wine…


  3. June 3, 2014 at 12:42 am

    Hi Pearl,
    I'm not sure. Is it Moscato? Isn't that sweet? Yes, let's meet at some faux Parisian cafe sometime, or maybe an Algonquin-style hotel, and have ourselves a time, maybe with some other like-minded people, yeah, or maybe if you come to RI, we'll just meet up at this Irish bar down the street, or maybe I could come there and you and your cats and I could go to that gin mill they like. I like gin and cats, and I adore you, so it's all a good fit.


  4. June 3, 2014 at 2:24 am

    Well, in Texas it takes a village to get to Whole Foods. I did do a “do si do” with an angry woman around a fajita station, but it was worth it. I won, and got a free jar of salsa.


  5. June 3, 2014 at 2:51 am

    I love Whole Foods, but down here it has a homing beacon for people who do not use deodorant and women who are hirsute in all the wrong visible places. And save me a place at tge table with you and Pearl


  6. June 3, 2014 at 5:29 pm

    Is there room at the table for me? I wear deoderant, and am hirsute in all the right visible places. Also, laughing is my hobby. Please? I will leave my cats at home. Promise.


  7. June 3, 2014 at 5:42 pm

    PS I'm glad you're back!


  8. June 4, 2014 at 12:33 am

    You know, Meg, Do-si-do and salsa sound so so Texan. If I didn't know better….


  9. June 4, 2014 at 12:35 am

    The table woud not be the same with out you, Shelly! I love that word, “hirsute”. It doesn't get used nearly enough.


  10. June 4, 2014 at 12:36 am

    Ok, you, me, Pearl, Shelly, and Meg, and all the cats. It's going to be a rowdy table.


  11. June 4, 2014 at 12:36 am

    And thanks:-)


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