Tonight I succumbed to a box of wine. This isn’t just any box of wine, it’s a gold medal winning box of wine. I didn’t realize that boxing wine was an Olympic sport, but apparently it is, and my wine won. Out of all the other boxes of wine, my box of wine prevailed. I feel pretty good about that. I feel like I also prevailed. It takes a certain personality, you know, to buy a box of wine. It takes a personality that isn’t afraid to stand in line on a Saturday night with a box containing the equivalent of 4 bottles of wine for roughly the cost of one really good bottle (“really good” being kind of a personal measurement, you understand). And I just want to pause here to mention that it was a really long line. I was in line for a long time with this box. The people ahead of me seemed to be having an issue with their 17 different kind of craft beer, and the line behind me just kept getting longer and longer, with all eyes glued, I imagine, on my gold medal winning box of wine. But I did not care. I’ve heard the siren call of wine boxes before and have resisted. I’ve told myself my line is drawn at screw caps. But this wine, well, it’s won awards. I haven’t won any awards. Who am I to turn my nose up at award-winning wine just because it’s stuck inside the box. Sure, we all like to think outside the box, but I am here today to advocate, perhaps, thinking inside this particular box.
It takes up less room in my fridge. It doesn’t use up cork resources. It’s easier to recycle than glass. It’s 4 bottles of wine, for God’s sake, in one square foot space. It’s award winning. In case I’ve forgotten to mention that.
After I bought my box of wine, I went to Whole Foods to buy some food. Is it just me or is Whole Foods getting more annoying every day? Between the vegans, the hipsters, the hippies and the yuppie throwbacks, I can’t seem to get close to anything I want to buy, and I swear they are piping in subliminal messaging that causes people to stand in place, swaying side to side like sun flowers, examining each and every choice of organic, small batch, grains. I don’t fit in here. I’m just this average person who wants to buy 2.5 pounds of bone-in chicken thighs and some almond milk, for God’s sake. And then I want to go home and pour a nice glass of wine out of my convenient box spout and call it a day. Is that too much to ask?
|Award winning box of wine|