BigB’s Breastfed Lawn

BigB believes in yard upkeep.  He’s out there daily, enthusiastically tugging weeds, watering the grass, spraying things, cropping things, and so on.  BigB  thinks there is not enough  time in the day to get his lawn as pristine as he wants it.  This may be true, but still, BigB’s work shows. We have beautiful  flowers, plants, shrubs, and a thick,  luxurious expanse of green with a sharp edge.   And don’t get him started….admire one petite bloom and he will escort you around the house pointing out things  you never wanted to know, like, “these blah blah blahs are growing some kind of fungus but I’m spraying them with this organic bludie blupe and I think that will  get rid of it, but these blipety blips over here are attracting little black bugs.  See them?  See the little black  bugs?….

If I were in charge of the lawn, I would be more likely to point out (from a comfortable spot in the middle of my  hammock) a beautiful sea of dandelions waving in the wind and not requiring any upkeep.  My lack of enthusiasm for lawn care is not lost on BigB.  He toils away with little expectation of admiration or support from me.  On occasion, I have referred to our yard as “BigB’s Breastfed Lawn”.  
Yesterday, I got my comeuppance. 
Littleb and I were walking the neighborhood when we spotted the most beautiful lawn ever.  Even I couldn’t help but notice it’s thick carpet-like appearance.  It looked like an enchanted lawn from a Disney movie.  A lawn under a wicked spell that seduces you into lying down and stretching out just before it swallows you whole and spits you back out as a red, red rose.  It had perfectly straight lines where it had been recently mowed.  Or vacuumed, perhaps.  Littleb immediately plopped down and made him self comfortable.  In an effort to get him moving again, lest he be turned into a rose bush, I said, “Hey, let’s go home and tell Dad we found a nicer lawn than his.”
You would  think I had invited him to clean out BigB’s savings account and hop a plane to Switzerland.  
“You can’t do that!  That would hurt his feelings!  You don’t want to hurt your husband’s feelings, do you?  We are not telling him about this lawn.”
He’s a loyal son, that boy.  I’m so proud of him.  For now, we’ll keep the enchanted lawn a secret, but it’s nice to know it’s there…..(twists ends of waxed  mustache and emits evil laugh).
Chicken out

  3 comments for “BigB’s Breastfed Lawn

  1. July 8, 2014 at 10:01 pm

    I think it's lovely that littleb has such empathy for his dad 🙂

    Side note – my husband vacuums like he mows, in straight lines following a grid pattern. Coincidence? Must be a man thing.


  2. July 8, 2014 at 10:03 pm

    Let me just add that I really don't care HOW he vacuums – he could make crop circles for all I care, as long as he's vacuuming 🙂


  3. July 8, 2014 at 10:44 pm

    I wouldn't complain either, Jenny-I hate vacuuming. Actually, I hate the sound of the vacuum, mostly.


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