What do you want to talk about today?

You start.

No, really, I could wait here all day. I got nowhere to be.

Actually, that’s not true, so I’ll start.

There’s a new reality show on Bravo called Game of Crowns.  It’s like Tots in Tiaras except with boobs and husbands.

This show was filmed IN MY TOWN.  And now I feel a little cheated because one of my consuming curiosities is how these shows are put together.  We know there’s got to be a lot of editing going on, right?  So how do they decide who gets to be the villain and who gets to be the victim, and how do they orchestrate that?    And are the producers the biggest bullies of all?

I picture it going something like this:

Reality *:  (to Production assistant A, who is having an in depth conversation with Production assistant B while both madly twiddle their thumbs through their text messages).  Excuse me, may  I have a glass of water, please?

Production assistant A:  (to PA-B)  Do you believe her, she is SUCH a bitch.  Who does she think I am, an intern? She’s going down

Production assistant A: (to Reality *)  Of course, I’ll find one of the INTERNS to get it for you. Because that’s what interns do, they fetch things, and I’m NOT an intern.  I was an intern last week but then I got promoted.  But no problem (wink/shrug),  I’ll find an INTERN for you.

Production B:  (to room at large) giggles wildly at own twitter message #realitybitches, and takes selfie of new bangs.

Production assistant A:  (Texts intern)  Her highness would like a glass of water

Intern:  Ohhhhh No she didn’t.  Who does she think she is?

Production  Assistant A:  OMG, I know.  Maybe GOD?

Intern:  God’s wife?

Production Assistant A:   OMG LMFAO #bitchisgoingdown

Do you think it happens something like that?  I think it might.  I wish someone would write an in depth expose on reality television and, instead of focusing on why people watch it, focus on the process.

My  lasting question, the one I ask myself every time I watch a particularly confrontational scene, is “Why in God’s name do people sign on for this?”  Money?  Fame?  Cluelessness?  What about you guys?  Would you take a part in a reality show?  Would you rather be the villain or the princess?

I wouldn’t be a reality *, but I would be an intern.

If anyone watches Hulu, there’s now a spoof on the housewives series.  It’s horrifying and hilarious at the same time.

Chicken out


  5 comments for “What do you want to talk about today?

  1. July 17, 2014 at 1:08 pm

    There are certain shows that I have to admit to watching simply for the HORROR of it all. Bridezillas, anyone? Holy Moley, what a perfect I-can-do-my-housework-and-still-watch-this-crap show.

    I think there are certain people who equate being on TV with being fabulous. Those people are unintentionally both hilarious and pathetic, and I pity the people in their lives. I'm hoping this is a trend that will go away eventually, but I kind of doubt it. Don't know if you've seen the move “Idiocracy” (I recommend it, if you can handle a lot of swearing), but the people of the future are entranced by a show called “Ouch My Balls” which is made up of — you got it — videos of guys falling on things and hurting their balls.

    How far away are we from this show being available?



  2. July 17, 2014 at 3:15 pm

    Ever watch America's Funniest Home Videos? They have segments – quite regularly – that are just as you describe – men getting hit, punched, smacked, etc. in that place where it hurts 🙂


  3. July 17, 2014 at 3:17 pm

    I wouldn't be a contestant, I wouldn't be an intern, I can't even watch the silly things without a dangerous rise in blood pressure 🙂

    But I can read spoofs such as yours because THAT is funny!


  4. July 17, 2014 at 4:00 pm

    Yes, I was thinking the same thing! And then there's that other show where the boys live on a farm and spend all their time find new and dangerous ways to propel themselves through mid-air, hoops of fire, etc. I forget the name of that one. But Ouch my Balls? My husband and sons would love it.


  5. July 17, 2014 at 4:02 pm

    Reality television is just about the only television I watch. I don't know why but I love it, I really do. I just want to know how it works. I can't take the reunion shows at the end, though. They're awful. Oh the drama.


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