Does your hair hang low? Does it wobble to and fro? Can you tie it in a knot, can you tie it in a bow? Can you throw it o’er your shoulder like a continental soldier? Does your hair hang low?
Well, you’re in luck, friends, because the scrunchie is back! That’s right, that 80’s staple has bounced back into fashion’s highest circles. It is once again totally cool to gather your unruly mane and contain it with a wide stretch of elastic material covered in a fabric that complements your outfit.
The scrunchie is like the loud, colorful cousin you don’t realize you’ve missed until you run into her at the family reunion. There she is, governing the horse shoe pit with an iron glove, dressed in a lime green and fuchsia muumuu, and throwing back tequila like a tourist in Cabo on Cinco de Mayo. You can’t help but smile when you see her.
At least you might feel that way. As with all things fashion related, however, my experience with scrunchies is a bit more unnerving.
My last scrunchie encounter took place in 2001. The thing was crouching in a corner under my girl’s bed, covered in dust balls, and I swear it had tiny, feral eyes that glared out at me, daring me to come in after it. Bat, rat or hair piece, I wasn’t sure what it was, so I stilled my pounding heart, narrowed my eyes, and took up arms. The battle commenced, as I swiped wildly under the bed with my broom. It was intense, but I emerged victorious after shoving the bed aside and exposing the rogue scrunchie to sunlight, a phenomenon it hadn’t experienced in years. Temporarily blinded, it remained still long enough for me to scoop it up on the end of my broom and deposit it in the trash.
Our home has been scrunchie-free ever since and, like denim on denim and leopard print, it’s not a trend I intend to embrace this fall or ever. But you go ahead.
I’ll just tuck my unruly mane behind my low-hanging ears per usual.