Cuteness Championships

Ladies and Gentlemen..

Welcome to the first ever Cuteness Championships.  After weeks of eliminations of such embodiments  of cuteness as kittens,  cheerleaders, capri  pants with sailboats,  chinchillas and mini-coopers, two  finalists have  been  selected to battle it out for the heavyweight title of World’s Cutest.  It’s a big belt to fill, my friends.  Let me introduce you to your champions.

In this corner, weighing in at just 19.5 pounds, meet the Baby!  That’s 19.5 pounds of blue-eyed, fine-haired adorableness.  And she’s just starting to walk and talk.  Can you take it?  I’m not sure I can, ladies and gentlemen.

And in this corner, weighing in at 32 pounds, meet the Puppy!  He’s a four month old golden lab, folks, with a bright bandana around his neck and paws too big for the rest of his wriggling, tail-wagging body.  This is one tough competitor, folks.

Are you ready to rumble?


The baby is toddling, Oh. My.  God. how cute is she, oh oh oh, she’s going to fall, nope, she’s found her balance and she’s off, waving shyly at the elderly couple in the first row.  They are smitten, that’s Baby 1, Puppy 0

Oh, but Puppy has jumped onto the lap of a young man eating a cookie and he’s stolen the cookie and gobbled it down before the young man could even take a bite.  The crowd is going wild!  I’m not sure how the baby can salvage this one.  The fight may be over quickly  today, but wait…

Oh man, the baby  has spotted the cookie and is crying because she doesn’t have a cookie of her own. Oh look at that sad face, look at that little tear rolling down that pink cheek.  HOLY SMOKES, I can’t believe it, people are falling over themselves to give the baby a cookie.  What a come back by the Baby.  Carrie, I’m glad you could join us  today.   How do  things look down there on the floor.  Can you believe this fight?

No, I can’t, Mike, we knew it was going to be a battle but I don’t think anyone expected the cuteness these two are rolling out today.  Aw, look at her smiling, she’s got four little teeth in there….

Wait, what’s this?  What’s happening now?  The Puppy has spotted the Baby. Here he comes….I don’t believe it, the Puppy has snatched the baby’s cookie.  The crowd is going nuts!  Is the baby crying?  No?  The Baby’s laughing.  Oh look at that, she is.  She’s trying to hug the Puppy and he’s licking her face.  The crowd is on their feet.  The referee is stepping in to separate the two…What?  What just happened?  Carrie, can you see what’s going on from your position?

I can Mike, and I’m  not sure how the judges are going to call this one.  The referee attempted to separate the two competitors but they refuse to be separated…the Puppy ran between the referee’s legs,  tripping him, and now the Baby is chasing the Puppy, chattering wildly.  She’s gotten a grip on his tail and  they appear to be wrestling on the floor.  There’s chortling and licking and barking happening. The crowd is out of control.   It’s pure mayhem!  Back to you, Mike.

Thanks Carrie….it looks like the ref has regained his footing and has blown his whistle. The crowd  is calming down. And….Oh my  gosh,   I think we have a decision by the judges….

What?  Can you believe this?   The judges have announced that the match is a draw.  There is no possible way they can choose between a baby and a puppy.  Each are impossibly cute on their own but together?  Together, they are unbeatable.  The Cuteness Championship goes to the Puppy AND the Baby, as a unit.

And this, folks, is a historical moment.

Chicken  out


  6 comments for “Cuteness Championships

  1. July 28, 2014 at 3:15 pm

    I think this is the appropriate time for a big squeeeeeee!

    So do you have a new baby and/or puppy at your house, or have you been spending time on lolcats/dogs/whatever? 🙂 (always interested in what triggers a writer's thoghts)


  2. July 28, 2014 at 6:08 pm

    This comment has been removed by the author.


  3. July 28, 2014 at 6:09 pm

    Hi Jenny-since you brought it up, I was inspired by a incident this past weekend. My family took a trip out to Block Island, which is a local tourist destination. It's about an hour by ferry from the mainland. We had two booths on the ferry. I was in one booth with my grand daughter and my niece was in another booth with her new puppy. They were both getting their share of the attention, but they were cutest when they were together. It was love at first site. Also, in real life, the puppy totally would have won the cuteness championships. People love babies but they see them all the time. No one can resist, it would seem, the cuteness that is a golden lab puppy


  4. July 29, 2014 at 2:07 am

    Awww … You're right, it's not so common to see a puppy out and about as it is to see babies. And they just zoom through that puppy stage, too.


  5. July 29, 2014 at 4:25 am

    I'll see your baby and puppy and raise you Ozzy the Weasel (on youtube) and any random otter or meerkat pup.

    -Doug in Oakland


  6. August 2, 2014 at 4:06 am

    Doug. What are you saying. Are you saying weasels are cute or just Ozzy is cute. Ozzy could not possibly be cuter than my baby or my niece's puppy. Okay, dammit, I'll go look.


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