This blog might be armed and dangerous…

My blog has gone rogue and might be lurking around a corner near you.

It escaped through a broken link. Is there something odd about the fellow on the bar stool next to you?  Could be my blog. Do yourself a favor.  Get up, nonchalantly, mind you, don’t make a show of it, and stroll away, quick-like.  Whatever you do, don’t look it in the eye.  If it tries to bum a cigarette, you don’t smoke.  If it wants a ride home, you’re going the opposite way.  If it wants to buy you a drink, you ain’t thirsty.  Got it?

Because my blog is just waiting on a reason to kick your blog’s ass.

I don’t know what I did, who knows….maybe I didn’t feed it enough in its formative years.  It’s true-there were times when I’d go months between postings.  I didn’t know, for Pete’s sake. I didn’t know blogs could be such pricks.

Now I’m hearing the stories:  Readers turned away at the gate, false membership mandates, domain names denied, unresponsive blog rolls, and thousands of followers lost.  Okay hundreds.  Hundreds of followers gone.  Fine, like a hundred, okay?  A hundred followers vanished without a trace.  And not only that, but we have a severe case of failure to update.

I think my blog may have skipped the country.  Yesterday I received a message comprised of magazine cut-outs that read

You’re a mean old wankerand I ain’t comin’ back ever“.

And it’s spell checking in the King’s English.  Right now, It’s probably sitting in some seedy London pub eating fish and chips, drinking warm beer, and bragging to Keith Richards about all the chat rooms it trashed back in the states.

Any minute now I expect I’ll start seeing random Instagram postings of my blog behaving badly all across the UK.  Maybe it’s sporting a beard, several new tattoos, and is thinking of joining the IRA.  It’s probably developed a fake accent.

You know, I’m sure there’s no cause for alarm but just to be on the safe side, if you see my blog, text blog control and seek shelter. It might be rabid.  Seriously.

Have you seen this blog?  Oh, wait, that’s just George Michael.  Nice eyebrows, George Michael.

Chicken out

Advertisements

  14 comments for “This blog might be armed and dangerous…

  1. September 3, 2014 at 11:47 am

    Your blog is behaving fine for me. No issues.

    Like

  2. September 3, 2014 at 4:37 pm

    Chickie, this was hilarious! Your blog is behaving fine for me, too, but then I don't have a blog myself and I'm not signed up as a follower, so we aren't linked beyond the fact that I just stop by. Maybe that means it's not your blog that's the problem, just the whole freakin' internet. Love the eyebrow

    Like

  3. September 3, 2014 at 4:40 pm

    That should have read: “Love the eyebrow reference”

    (Accidentally posted before I was done. Maybe it's not the internet, either. Maybe it's the people behind the computers. No, wait, they're not all like me. Hmm.)

    Like

  4. September 4, 2014 at 2:34 am

    I don't know if it was your blog or not, but I saw *something*… It was crossing the road again and again. I was afraid it would be hit by a car, but instead, on the sidewalk, it was run into by a kid on a tricycle wearing a black leather jacket with a patch on the back that read “Oakland Pride 2014 Tykes on Trikes”. Do you think that was it?

    -Doug in Oakland

    Like

  5. September 4, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    Thanks Geezers-I stuck some duct tape on a few links, jury-rigged a gizmo, and I think I'm good. For now.

    Like

  6. September 4, 2014 at 3:54 pm

    Jenny_O, you are like Apple….your process is simple and elegant and works perfectly every time….

    Like

  7. September 4, 2014 at 3:55 pm

    I knew what you meant:-) In my case it is definitely the person behind the computer. Or chicken, as the case may be.

    Like

  8. September 4, 2014 at 3:57 pm

    Could have been it, Doug…did it look lost? Was that kid part of the notorious Tykes on Trike gang currently waging war against preschools everywhere? Blog might have met its match.

    Like

  9. September 4, 2014 at 8:20 pm

    No, he was just a straggler from Oakland's gay pride parade last Sunday. Whereas the San Francisco parade is traditionally led by the Dykes on Bikes, in a bid at family-friendliness Oakland led theirs with Tykes on Trikes. I didn't go, but from what I read they were very cute.

    -Doug in Oakland

    Like

  10. September 5, 2014 at 11:06 am

    I guess that explains why my blog was there.

    Like

  11. September 8, 2014 at 4:09 pm

    Someone or something finished off the last of my mint chocolate chip ice cream between the hours of midnight and 8:00 a.m. this morning and left the empty carton in the sink just to taunt me. Damn you, Chicken!

    Like

  12. September 8, 2014 at 4:57 pm

    When I tried to log on to your blog it said some snarky things about my writing abilities, I apologised and it let me through the gate. I can accept that.

    Like

  13. September 8, 2014 at 11:17 pm

    I'm sorry, Jayne, but I cannot be held responsible for the ice cream thieving antics of my blog. Not that I wouldn't have eaten it if I had been there. You should be happy, though, because had I been there, I would have first polished off your wine supply and then your ice cream.

    Like

  14. September 8, 2014 at 11:20 pm

    SFM, I can empathize. You should hear the things it has said about my writing over the years. I do not share my blogs opinion about your writing. Actually, my blog is snarky on principle. It's probably never even visited your blog. It would take time away that could be better spent torturing me.

    Like

Your turn...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Filosofa's Word

Cognito Ergo Sum

DELIGHT IN YOUR GARDEN

and in other places and things

Freethinkers Anonymous

It's another story.

mydangblog

Come for the laughs, stay for the lunacy

Gin & Lemonade

... with a twist

Patrick Tillett

One chicken. So many roads.

jenny's lark

the beauty of an ordinary life

The Blog Broad

A Diary of a Mad Woman, the Fumblings of a Fool

Momentum of Jo

Spirituality, Reality, & Everything In Between

A Word Of Substance

"Object Relations"

Storyshucker

A blog full of humorous and poignant observations.

Memoir Notes

a blog for memoir writers

Wishbone Soup Cures Everything

One chicken. So many roads.

Style Splash

STYLE HAS NO AGE LIMIT

I'm Sick and So Are You

What illness taught me about how truly warped we all are

http://myinnerchick.com/

One chicken. So many roads.

The Way I Sew It

One chicken. So many roads.

B.I. Redux

One chicken. So many roads.

Cup on the Bus

One chicken. So many roads.

idioglossia: the blog

Share yourself: problems, joys, secrets, ideas. We're listening.

Examining the Odd

literature, visual art, music and film

Think Stew

One chicken. So many roads.

Procrastinating Donkey

One chicken. So many roads.

Trainride Of The Enigmas

One chicken. So many roads.

Genial Misanthrope

One chicken. So many roads.

injaynesworld

One chicken. So many roads.

The AC is On

One chicken. So many roads.

La Tejana

One chicken. So many roads.

Pearl, Why You Little...

One chicken. So many roads.

%d bloggers like this: