I am your sales representative…

Dear Colleague,

I am your sales representative and as such I represent our company’s brand, services and employees in the public realm.  Every day, I meet with potential customers.  I  tell them about our company.  I convince them that if they have a need for a service we provide, that we (you and I), are better equipped than our competitors to deliver that service.

When I’m successful at my job, we all win. If I am not successful, we both lose our jobs.  Wait, you might be thinking, why should I lose my job because you suck?  Well, if we don’t have any customers, we don’t really have an immediate need for your services, do we?  Have you worked through that equation?  “X (me) + Y (customers) = Z (our jobs).

Let’s recap, shall we?  I am regularly in public making first impressions on your behalf.   We both need those impressions to be positive.  Our continued employment depends upon it.  Therefore, it would seem to behoove you to alert me to anything off putting regarding my appearance.  Green things hanging out of my nose, for instance, or a skirt stuck in the waistband of my underwear, would be examples of things I need brought to my attention.

Do not tell me, dear co-worker, that you did not see the hunk of spinach in my teeth today.   I know you saw it.  How could you not have?  We stood face-to-face discussing your awesome social media skills for at least five minutes.  “I rule at twitter and by the way you  have something in your teeth”, was all you needed to say. Were you waiting for me to leave so you could tweet about it?  #gross #shouldisaysomething? Yes, you fucking should. Must we now crowd source the merest courtesy?

Your lack of common sense is not going to keep us paid and laid.  I don’t care how many twits follow you.

Thank you for your future cooperation.

Your sales representative


  12 comments for “I am your sales representative…

  1. September 9, 2014 at 3:57 am

    Common courtesy. It's like common sense. Not so common. Some day that person will be the one with spinach in his/her teeth!


  2. September 9, 2014 at 3:17 pm

    Closest thing I had to a sales rep was perhaps the medical center's CEO, who would sometimes go with one of us when we were presenting a paper at a national conference. More than once I've had to say “Um, that's not exactly true” after he'd said something inane.
    I did once give a talk in a suit and running shoes after forgetting to pack the dress ones.


  3. September 9, 2014 at 3:50 pm

    Amen, sistah!!! I tell anyone now if there is something potentially embarrassing. I once went an entire HALF DAY at school with my flippin' dress inside out. No one told me- not kids, not colleagues… argh.


  4. September 9, 2014 at 11:38 pm

    If he had food in his teeth I'm not at all sure you would have told him, SFM:-) Running shoes and a suit? That's not awkward. That's geek chic.


  5. September 9, 2014 at 11:40 pm

    Hi Shelly, you know it begs the question….what were you doing the first half of the day? haha. I would have told you. If I noticed. I don't even notice spinach in my teeth, so. my powers of observation are obviously somewhat compromised.


  6. September 10, 2014 at 12:07 am

    And when they are, I shall do the right thing;-)


  7. September 11, 2014 at 12:00 am

    Booger checks are common among my tribe. (We have an understanding.)


  8. September 11, 2014 at 2:06 pm

    Ha! I think that was when I taught a fitness class first period, and must have been in such a rush to shower, change, and get back to class that I didn't notice!


  9. September 11, 2014 at 6:38 pm

    Hi Nessa-that's the way it should be!


  10. September 11, 2014 at 6:39 pm

    That sounds like something I would do.


  11. September 11, 2014 at 11:22 pm

    Hee hee 🙂 This is hilarious 🙂 And yeah…it always makes me think of that moment in Emperors New Groove…”How long has THAT been there?” It's because nobody said anything!!! 😉

    Sarah Allen
    (writing blog)


  12. September 15, 2014 at 11:08 pm

    Hi Sarah-thanks for visiting and the compliment. I guess we all need to check ourselves out more often since we can't rely on a sympathetic public.


Your turn...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Hamlets & Hyperspace

Sci Fi & Fantasy Book Reviews

Haven Kimmel's Blog

All men should strive to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why. -- James Thurber

Stories I've Never Told...

(...and some I have)

The Phil Factor

Where Sarcasm Gets Drunk and Let's Its Hair Down

Book 'Em, Jan O

Ghosts, Tall Tales & Witty Haiku!

Filosofa's Word

Cogito Ergo Sum

Delight In Your Garden

and in all places and things

Freethinkers Anonymous

It's another story.


Come for the laughs, stay for the lunacy

Gin & Lemonade

...with a twist

Patrick Tillett

One chicken. So many roads.

jenny's lark

the beauty of an ordinary life

Momentum of Jo

Spirituality, Reality, & Everything In Between

A Word Of Substance

"Object Relations"


A blog full of humorous and poignant observations.

Memoir Notes

a blog for memoir writers

Wishbone Soup Cures Everything

One chicken. So many roads.

FunkyForty | Funky Life style and Fashion

Funky Fashion & Travel Blog Made with Love

Style Splash


I'm Sick and So Are You

Observations on life beyond illness


One chicken. So many roads.

The Way I Sew It

One chicken. So many roads.

B.I. Redux

One chicken. So many roads.

Cup on the Bus

One chicken. So many roads.

idioglossia: the blog

Share yourself: problems, joys, secrets, ideas. We're listening.

Examining the Odd

literature, visual art, music and film

Think Stew

One chicken. So many roads.

Procrastinating Donkey

One chicken. So many roads.

Trainride Of The Enigmas

One chicken. So many roads.

Genial Misanthrope

One chicken. So many roads.


One chicken. So many roads.

The AC is On

One chicken. So many roads.

La Tejana

One chicken. So many roads.

Pearl, Why You Little...

One chicken. So many roads.

%d bloggers like this: