I saw a commercial the other day advertising a car with internet. Do we really need another distraction? Isn’t this a little like having a car that comes standard with a bartender? When do they picture us using this feature?
I don’t want to share the road with people who are watching Hulu +.
Why can’t the automobile industry focus on features that keep us safer?
For instance, I think all cars should have the ability to sense stopped traffic just ahead and either verbally alert the driver or initiate a braking feature. We could avoid all those nasty multiple car pile ups and save lives with just this one feature.
A car that could thin itself out would also be handy for tight spaces. You know what I mean, right? The car ahead is turning left, but they are, for inexplicable reasons possibly related to self-centeredness and intellect, taking up the whole lane. You might be able to squeeze past them, but you’re not sure. It’s hard to guage. With auth-thin, you press a button and your car compresses 6 inches on each side allowing you to slip by with ease. Actually, I wish my body came with this feature. Tight jeans? Not any more! That would show my turtlenecks.
And we all want a car that can hover, am I right? Traffic jam? No problem. Just hit the up and out button. Of course, if this feature is standard, everyone would use it, rendering it useless.
Why not a car with a built in nanny? That way, when the baby is in the backseat crying, the nanny can focus on resolving that problem while you focus on the road. And when the baby is sleeping, you can engage your nanny feature allowing you to run into Target for that two-for-one battery deal without disrupting Junior’s nap.
In addition to that, I’d prefer a car that can turn into a submarine. Scooby-Doo and the gang have one, and I’d like one, too. I count being submerged under water in a car among my many fears. A car with anti-spider submersible technology would go a long ways towards making me feel safer on the road. Better yet, how about a car that can’t be submerged? Scratch the submarine feature, I want the infinity float feature.
A time traveling car would be fantastic. When you hit morning traffic, you can transport yourself to pre-morning, zoom into work, and have time to pick up a nice latte and the morning paper before starting your daily grind. This would also be handy on long trips. You can drive to the opposite coast and then transport yourself back a week in time. If my car had a time travel feature, I’d probably never get out of it, truthfully. As the very wise Dr. Seuss once said, there’s so so much to see.
For now, I guess I’ll have to make due with the standard CD player in my toyota. And I do have the ability to adjust my seat forward, backward, up and down, which doesn’t suck. What features do you wish your car had?