Something’s Fishy….

These shorter days are wreaking havoc on my schedule.  Apparently, my body only likes to wake up when it’s light out.  It rebels against these dark mornings.  This is problematic because if I can’t get up in the dark, I can’t walk or write my chicken stories.  There’s not enough time.   And do you know what happens when I can’t write my chicken stories?

Blue Blog.   Yes, it’s a thing.*  The whole blog takes on a bluish cast and things could explode any  second.  It almost happened  the summer of 2013, but I started blogging again and saved the internet.


Does anyone know a good fish whisperer? I think littleb’s fish might have some psychological issues. This is what happened:  I cleaned their fish house the other day and then  returned them  from their vacation condo  in the  pantry  to their  clean bowl in the kitchen via the Red  line,  which is sort of like a subway system only  with nets instead of trains.

They should have been  quite chipper after an  hour of peace, tranquility, and an excellent view of our driveway, but something seemed  off.  I think I messed up.  You see, I only put one of their plastic  sea grass plants back  in their bowl.  It seemed crowded with two sea plants. Plus, one of the sea plants is sort of stiff and spiky.  It doesn’t sway  and flow with the water current the way real sea grass would.  It’s so spiky that I worried I might wake up to fish-ka-bob one of these mornings.  In an effort to not traumatize the fish over the missing plant, I left the spiky sea grass outside their bowl where they could still see it.  This blew their little minds.

Later, I noticed they were hovering by the glass and bumping their heads against the bowl as they tried to make their way to the spiky  grass.  “Aw, they’re confused.”, I thought.  So I put the sea grass back in the bowl.  Pretty soon they were on the other side of the bowl avoiding the sea grass.   “What the hell,  fish?”,  I thought, “Do  you want the grass, do you not want the grass?”.  They didn’t answer, so  I took the grass out again.  I just really think the bowl looks more aesthetically pleasing without the sea grass so I made an executive decision.   I hold the executive chair of the board of all the fish in this house.  It’s one of my many titles (Tzar of the medicine cabinet,   Grand high finder of lost things, etc).

Well, It wasn’t long before the fish were back to the head banging as they tried to work out the Houdini-like moves of the fish-impaling plant.  I put it back in.   They swam to the other side  of the bowl in a panic.  I went to bed.  Today I’m going to call a fish whisperer.

* It is not a thing

Chicken out


I like interesting design as much as the next chick, but this poor fish is going t o need some serious help

  14 comments for “Something’s Fishy….

  1. October 20, 2014 at 2:28 pm

    I found you! Yay! Love the look of your new blog. And fish whispering? I can’t help much there, but we did have a very traumatized chicken who I think literally had a nervous breakdown after witnessing her sister get eaten alive by some vile predator in the night. I tried chicken whispering to her, but she’d already lost her little mind.


    • October 21, 2014 at 1:03 am

      Shelly! Yay you found me! Thanks. Oh, poor chicken. You want I should talk to her? I hope you’ve hired a 24-hour detail. And maybe a handsome rooster to take her mind off things. Do chickens like roosters “like that”? I feel I should know things like this.


  2. jenny_o
    October 20, 2014 at 4:42 pm

    Indecision … can’t figure out if it’s good or bad. All I know is that I do the same dang thing. Not with the seaweed, as we do not have fish, but with everything else, yes. So does that make me similar to you, or to the fish?

    That fishbowl would drive me crazy. Even just looking at the picture, I keep leaning to the right, as if that will keep it safe. Leaning … leaning …


    • October 21, 2014 at 1:06 am

      You are definitely more like me than my fish. Not that my fish are like me, that’s not what I meant, I mean you are more like ME than you are like my FISH, get it? sigh. I struggle with clarity. It’s a cross I have to bear. Anyways, yeah, that fish bowl. I may have to remove that picture and replace it with a guy talking to a fish. If you google “fish whisperer” you’d be surprised how man images come up. I thought I was being totally original. I was not.


  3. October 20, 2014 at 4:48 pm

    You always crack me up; your tone charms the hell out of me (example: “I started blogging again and saved the internet.”). You don’t want me as your fish whisperer. In fact, when I learned there’s a town in New York state named Fishkill, I considered moving there. Feels like a good fit, considering the fish we’ve flushed here at our house.


    • October 21, 2014 at 1:11 am

      Hi Jocelyn, well, let me just tell you that I am charmed as hell by anyone who finds me charming, so we’re even. We should probably move to Fishkill together and be neighbors. And buy cats or something. Cats are fairly self sufficient but still entertaining. Maybe we could open a gourmet Catnip store. Like a cat hookah lounge, you know? And people could bring their cats there, buy them a hit of catnip, and there would be all these obstacle courses set up for the cats. The people could sort of sit around watching the cats….maybe we could get a liquor license even because nothing is funnier than cats on catnip except maybe people drinking alcohol watching cats on catnip…..Now see, I sense I might have tip toed over the line. Sweet Jesus.


  4. Doug in Oakland
    October 20, 2014 at 8:29 pm

    I don’t know if she counts as a fish-whisperer, but the woman who has owned and run the local fish/aquarium store for twenty years or so had this to say to my friend about the odd behavior of her guppies: “Fish are inscrutable.”


    • October 21, 2014 at 1:13 am

      Hmmm. Inscrutable….I feel like they should be wearing dark glasses in that case. And maybe playing guitars. With long beards. Who am I talking about Doug….NAME THAT BAND!


  5. thesmittenimage
    October 20, 2014 at 10:03 pm

    They’re just paranoid. You’ve messed with their stash of grass.


    • October 21, 2014 at 1:15 am

      Oh my gosh, Hilary, I think you’re right. Of course. They think I’m a narc. No wonder they’re acting so weird.


  6. October 21, 2014 at 12:08 pm

    We’ve had two fish commit suicide, so clearly I’m no help here. Unless you want I should take care of them?


  7. October 22, 2014 at 10:16 pm

    Fish, horses, people… It doesn’t matter. No good dead goes unpunished. Hah-rumph!

    Liked by 1 person

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