Recycle THIS, BigB

BigB discovered my fledgling compost pile and was not happy.

“Are you feeding the animals?” he asked.

“No.  I’m composting.” I replied.

“Maybe we should find a composting barrel or something.”   Big B said, using that tone of voice I’ve come to despise; the tone that implies I’m engaged in behavior that 99.7% of the population would never consider.

“Something that’s not a pile of food on the ground.”, he added.  (Snidely, in my opinion.)

“Maybe we could make it not such a big production.”, I said. “Maybe you could pretend you didn’t see the compost pile.”

“Listen, Chicken, you don’t have to get mad.  But this isn’t the back woods of Maine where you were raised, you know?  We have animals here.”

“Right.”, I said.  “I forgot Maine doesn’t have any animals.”

(I can be snide, too, BigB.  How’d ya like that, huh?)

“You know what I mean, Chicken.”

“What have you got against animals, BigB?  Why do you care if they eat my compost pile? Is the big guy afwaid of a few bunnies and squiwwels, huh?  Does he need his mommy?”

(Oh,  I can rock snide, Buster.  I’m, like, a co-founder of the Snide Dynasty.   There are vases on exhibit in the Met depicting me in Egyptian dress being snide to Cleopatra, who totally deserved it, but she was cool, too, you know?  But she couldn’t do snide like I do snide.  I taught her snide and then she used it to get rid of her brothers and rule Egypt.  So don’t try to out-snide me.  I will bury you.  I will bury you until I look reprehensible and crude.  And it will all be your fault for being mean to animals.)

“I’m  more worried about rats, Chicken.”

“Rats?”  (Less snide now.)

“Yes. Remember them?  Urban plague.  Long tails?”

Listen.  I’ve got nothing against rats.  Rats have to eat, too.  But not in my backyard.  I’m officially conceding this argument to BigB.  Let’s keep that our little secret.

 

Rat with a Sax

This charming fellow’s job is to distract us while providing dining music for his colleagues

 

 

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  14 comments for “Recycle THIS, BigB

  1. jenny_o
    October 21, 2014 at 5:21 pm

    Yep, BigB is right. Compost will also attract bears. We have big compost bins on wheels for bi-weekly pickup. People in some areas have to freeze their compost until pickup day because the bears have discovered it’s easier to eat from the green bins than go pick their own berries or whatever. You either buy a new freezer for that purpose or you get really good at minimizing your compost. I think white rats are pretty cute but then that’s not the kind that will come live in your compost …

    Like

    • October 21, 2014 at 5:25 pm

      Yikes. I do freeze meat or bones but I was trying to be more green with the veg matter. Makes me want to move back to the woods

      Like

      • jenny_o
        October 21, 2014 at 6:33 pm

        No, no, that’s where the bears are 🙂

        Like

      • October 21, 2014 at 7:18 pm

        Haha prefer bears to rats. They move on when they’ve had their fill. Rats stick around waiting for the next meal

        Like

  2. Doug in Oakland
    October 21, 2014 at 8:01 pm

    Be careful not to get infested with nuisance beavers. If they show up, the government will have to catch them and parachute them into Utah, like they did back in the ’40s.
    Rats, though, are the worst. We had an infestation of them at a food warehouse where I worked that got so bad that I took to menacing them with an improvised flame-thrower just so they’d be scared of me enough to bother hiding when they saw me. I’m still a little traumatized by the memory of walking through that place in the dark and hearing them all around me skittering around and chewing on stuff.

    Like

    • October 21, 2014 at 8:04 pm

      I don’t blame you, Doug. I do not even want to know what company owned that warehouse. Do I?

      Like

      • Doug in Oakland
        October 21, 2014 at 10:28 pm

        They weren’t anyone you would need to start avoiding, just a local natural food distributor called Tumbleweed, long since gone out of business. I did keep the rats out of the stuff we sold, but they destroyed tons of our stock, and that’s not a euphemism; actual tons of food were ruined by those little bastards.

        Like

      • October 22, 2014 at 1:12 am

        That’s too bad. We need more companies like Tumbleweed, just minus the rat problem. Tumbleweed needed BigB sounds like, to keep them aware of potential rat invasions.

        Like

  3. thesmittenimage
    October 21, 2014 at 10:27 pm

    We had this little discussion just the other night. He wanted to put out some leftover (borderline fresh) chicken (sorry!). I was worried about bears. He laughed at me. I threw it out in the trash when he wasn’t looking. 😉

    Like

    • October 21, 2014 at 10:32 pm

      I guess it is a universal issue:-). You could carry it out to the woods se distance and leave it. Has anyone read the Jan Brett children’s book about the little girl that makes the corn muffins for some animals and bigger and bigger animals keep showing up? It is so cute.

      Like

  4. October 23, 2014 at 8:02 am

    Over decades we’ve done compost piles all the way to compost bins and still get the odd rat, neighbor chicken or skunk into it. Best rule I’ve encountered came from a paleontology text that said dinosaurs were fond of willow bark which contained acetylsalicylic acid (aspirin) because they got headaches THIS BIG. So we never composted that (have you seen what a dinosaur can do to a garden?). Rodents don’t damage much by comparison.

    Liked by 1 person

    • October 23, 2014 at 10:07 am

      You always give the best advice, Geo. I’ll be sure to stay away from the willow bark.

      Like

  5. October 23, 2014 at 1:47 pm

    We had to ask our renters to stop putting their scraps out because it was attracting raccoon. 🙂 City raccoon. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

    Pearl

    Like

    • November 6, 2014 at 12:08 am

      I heard City Racoons have lots of babies and lots of baby mommas and they send them all out to the streets to look for food. We had a city racoon living in our kayak once. And he wasn’t even wearing a life jacket!

      Like

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