How to attract a man

Lately, my husband has expressed a new appreciation for me.  All men have, frankly.  As I walk down the street or enter a room, I can sense a growing awareness in the men around me. Even in some of the women. It’s because I smell like a coconut shrimp platter.  You should try it some time.

Coconut oil is the latest super food.  Have you heard?  It does everything but impregnate you. And even then, I wouldn’t be surprised to read that it aids in fertility.  Remember when coconut was bad for you?  Remember when you ate that last box of Samoa Girl Scout cookies and felt so guilty you could practically feel your arteries hardening as you chewed? Well forget that, friend.  That was the olden days, when eggs were good for you, or maybe bad for you, the opinion of eggs changes so often I can’t keep up, but definitely around the time that bread became a forbidden fruit and mainstream parents started giving their kids water instead of juice.  But I digress.  Anyways, welcome to the modern world where coconut oil reigns supreme in the healthy foodie pantry.

Here are just a few of the ways coconut oil can improve your health and looks.  And if you don’t believe me, consult the millions of experts online who, interestingly enough, were probably the same experts demonizing coconut oil a few years ago.  Oops!

  • Softens your skin
  • Helps you lose weight
  • Whitens your teeth
  • Is a natural deodorant
  • Cures halitosis
  • Aids in digestion
  • Fades age spots
  • Takes away wrinkles
  • Helps the body absorb vitamins and minerals
  • Cures acne
  • Heals scars
  • Clears sinuses
  • Deep conditions hair
  • Kills yeast infections
  • Prevents Alzheimer’s
  • Is a natural bug repellent
  • Relieves allergies
  • Improves thyroid function
  • Cures diaper rash
  • Cures cold sores
  • Cures athlete’s foot
  • Improves mental alertness
  • Makes you run faster
  • Can order you a pizza
  • Makes your future children more attractive
  • Enables you to hear the thoughts of animals

I’m not sure about those last few-I got a bit carried away-but if pushed, I could probably find testimonial internet evidence to support them.

I am always on the lookout for a natural ingredient that is going to improve my life and looks without  a lot of effort on my part.  If it results in a trail of men sniffing the air appreciatively and casting about an anxious eye for the waiter, then I’ll consider it the price I have to pay for good health.

Chicken out

image

Smells like coconut. Tastes like Chicken.

 

 

 

 

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  16 comments for “How to attract a man

  1. jenny_o
    November 17, 2014 at 5:39 pm

    Ai iz skeptikal. As the lolcats would say. But coconut is not something I enjoy to begin with, so maybe I’m biased. You, however, seem to have had a tasty and esteem-building experience with it. I may need to reconsider.

    Like

    • November 17, 2014 at 6:04 pm

      Hi Jenny,
      Ai iz skeptikal, also. lol. I like coconut. I’d rather smell like a sage leaf or an apple pie, though. Maybe those things have great health benefits also. Maybe I’ll start an internet rumor and see if Dr. Oz latches on to it. Dr. Oz is like the Wal-mart of the holistic market. If he buys in, you have it made.

      Like

  2. thesmittenimage
    November 17, 2014 at 7:06 pm

    I try to like it.. try to remember to use it instead of other oils and spreads but I am simply not so keen on how the taste infiltrates foods where it doesn’t belong – like those dreaded eggs. Of course I supposed I’d use it a bit more often if I didn’t shove it to the back of the cupboard.

    Like

    • November 18, 2014 at 12:15 am

      Hi Hilary-I’ve been using it on my skin and I do think it works well. I’ve also been experimenting with something called oil pulling. I’ll let you look it up if you aren’t already familiar. The jury is still out on that. I took before pictures and I’ll compare it to after pictures in a couple weeks. We’ll get to the bottom of this. I do use it in place of butter. I find that I don’t really notice the difference, but I smoked for many years and it could be my palate is not up to snuff. My family hasn’t noticed yet, either, though.

      Like

  3. November 17, 2014 at 10:00 pm

    Many years ago in graduate school I was hired as a instructor at Cal to cover a prof’s classes while he was hospitalized. I had office hours, once a female undergrad came in to ask help on a paper. I noticed a scent about her, not unpleasant, but not what one would expect in the way of perfumes. Finally I asked her what I was smelling. “You talk about cooking sometimes when you lecture, so this morning I rubbed some fresh tarragon on my neck.”

    One of the few times in my life I’ve been speechless.

    Like

    • November 18, 2014 at 12:19 am

      She sounds like an interesting student. Was she sucking up or propositioning? Did it work? I’ve heard that pumpkin pie works better than tarragon, but maybe that’s only here in the northeast.

      Like

  4. Doug in Oakland
    November 17, 2014 at 10:09 pm

    We used to carry Spectrum oils at a natural foods wholesale warehouse where I worked, and they sold jars of coconut oil, which I recall as being more expensive than their other oils. It was somewhat of a scandal when it was discovered that a jar of it had been taken out of an otherwise full case and hidden behind some cleaning supplies in the bathroom. So I’m guessing that it may have other uses than the ones you mentioned.

    Like

    • November 18, 2014 at 12:23 am

      Hi Doug…maybe the rats stole it!! But yes, there were a few I left out.This isn’t that kind of blog:-) It is expensive, but I don’t think it is more expensive than good olive oil.

      Like

  5. Pat
    November 18, 2014 at 4:38 am

    If you smelled like a platter of coconut shrimp, I’d follow you anywhere!
    I tried using coconut as a deodorant. Man, that husk is scratchy!

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 18, 2014 at 4:45 am

      You should try rinsing your mouth with it! I’d follow me anywhere, too. My neighbors barbecue a lot. They’ve learned not to invite me in when I show up at their door.

      Like

  6. dbs
    November 18, 2014 at 4:57 am

    Coconut oil is the shit. (And so is this terrific post.)

    Liked by 1 person

  7. February 17, 2015 at 1:57 am

    Speaking of synchronicity and empathy, I received an email from my son-in-law today that made me decide (and I told him so) to brush my teeth with coconut oil. Not sure if he was giving me a hint or not.

    Like

    • February 17, 2015 at 2:04 am

      I didn’t brush my teeth with it, but I did “swish” with it every morning for a couple of months for the whitening effect. I think it worked but I’m sorry, putting a tablespoon of pure fat in your mouth every morning first thing is kind of gross and becomes a chore, regardless of how good it smells. I do have another friend with halitosis, though, and he does it at night and his wife says it works. What did your son-in-laws email contain that convinced you to try it?

      Liked by 1 person

      • February 17, 2015 at 4:15 am

        He emailed me this fine young link without any comment: http://everydaypaleo.com/easy-remineralizing-toothpaste-recipe/

        He’s the type (and boy, do I appreciate this about him) who would just come right out and tell me I’ve got breath bad enough to shame a caravan camel. So I don’t think he was giving me a gentle hint. Nevertheless, I’m going to worry about it as much as possible. Why waste a perfectly good opportunity to over-think, ruminate and jump aboard the worst-case-scenario express?

        You know what? I’m going upstairs right now to brush. Thanks for reminding me. 🙂

        When it comes to fresh breath, it’s the journey, not the destination.

        Nah, that doesn’t work.

        A journey of a thousand breaths begins with a brush.

        Maybe.

        Thank you, by the way, for that great email you sent to me. I’m going to answer it, but I got to to brush first. Here I go… for reals this time…

        Like

      • February 18, 2015 at 12:04 pm

        Are you making the toothpaste recipe or just using the coconut oil? Let me know what you think. Also, why do you think dentists disagree? Aren’t they the experts?

        Like

      • February 19, 2015 at 8:33 am

        I’m just using the coconut oil. Too lazy to do all the other stuff. Plus I wouldn’t touch any type of fake sugar with a long pole. I don’t know why dentists disagree with coconut oil, but these experts are the same people who think it’s OK to have a mouth full of mercury amalgam fillings. To them, it’s dangerous to have it in trace quantities in the environment, but fine to have it in your mouth 24/7. Not sure I have any confidence at all in dentists when it comes to science. But I didn’t know they were against coconut oil. I haven’t studied this oil much, but actually I have studied various means of overcoming a breath problem and I think I’ve figured out what works. It’s a tad long and boring for a comment, but if you want, I’ll tell you what I’ve learned.

        Like

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