Suddenly, nothing happened, so I manifested a bear by accident

My high school drama club performed a Monty Python skit once about a man who was out walking when suddenly, nothing happened.  That was me last week. It was early on Thursday morning and I was out walking the streets of my suburban neighborhood when it occurred to me that my walks were like that Monty Python skit.  Nothing ever  happens. It would be cool, I thought, to see something unusual; like some wildlife…a deer or something.  Then I wondered what I would do if I saw a bear.  A big ‘ole bear just walking down the street like a stray dog.  What would I do then?  What chickens are known for I guess….run around like a headless chicken.

Cut to Saturday night.  About five cop cars showed up in our neighborhood around 9 PM. Lights were flashing, people were standing around. Wonder what’s going on, I thought, before turning on a Sex and the City rerun and falling asleep.  My husband, being the more inquisitive type and also a fan of any drama involving cops and bad theme songs, kept an eye on the proceedings.  It occurred to him that the police seemed to be looking for somebody and he immediately set about securing the premises.  He locked the garage, checked the backyard, locked all the cars and ventured out to the end of the driveway to scare away any intruders.

The next day, when he found out that the bear that I had evidently telepathically communicated with had promptly shown up looking for me, he came a little unhinged. BigB is not a fan of wildlife and he is particularly not a fan of wildlife that is bigger than him.  I thought he was going to barricade us in the house.  Luckily, the lost bear was found near the hospital and relocated to a more suitable environment. Until the next time I want something to happen. I am Chicken.  The Bear Whisperer.

Chicken out

 

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  7 comments for “Suddenly, nothing happened, so I manifested a bear by accident

  1. Judith Blacquier
    June 14, 2016 at 11:56 am

    Awesome !!

    Like

    • June 15, 2016 at 11:09 am

      Hi Judith-it was. Now he’s up in the Pachaug somewhere wondering what that awful screaming is

      Like

  2. jenny_o
    June 14, 2016 at 4:32 pm

    Do not – I repeat DO NOT – think about a dragon. Or a dinosaur. Or King Kong. You get the idea.

    That is an amazing thing to have happen! I’m glad you didn’t have a personal encounter with the bear. A few years ago we had coyotes in our neighbourhood. That’s when I stopped walking at dusk. Just a little too close to nature for comfort.

    Like

    • June 15, 2016 at 11:12 am

      Hi PD, or maybe you do! Can you imagine looking up in the sky and seeing a huge dragon? More Puff less fire, but wouldn’t that be so cool. We have coyotes here, too. Everyone says they are more afraid of you but the idea of them is a little frightening. My friend Judith, up above you, sees them and all kinds of wildlife all the time. She likes it.

      Like

  3. Doug in Oakland
    June 14, 2016 at 5:58 pm

    While I was visiting my friend Sara up in Truckee (near lake Tahoe) I used the opportunity to improve my walking ability by walking laps around the house. I was up to thirty per day after the second week. One day a neighbor knocked on the door and told Sara “Tell the guy with the cane that a large bear just went right down your driveway.” It was Memorial Day weekend, and the tourists were all showing up for the first time that year (since there was no snow to speak of) and the bear was probably relocating to get away from them. I kept on walking afterward, but paid more attention to anything large and dark and possibly moving in my peripheral vision (which wasn’t very good at the time because my cataracts were just kicking in). It was exciting!

    Like

  4. June 15, 2016 at 11:17 am

    Hi Doug-That’s pretty brave of you. The thing about bears, I hear, is that if you do catch their attention, they are hard to get away from. When I lived in NH.I lived over a popular local restaurant. For awhile this black bear would come every day and eat out of the dumpster. It got to be a tourist attraction, so the DEM had to do something about it. I think they removed the bear several times and it came back. It never bothered anyone, it was just crazy for our prime rib I guess. Or maybe it liked the blueberry pie. My favorite thing there was the stuffing. I’ve still never had anything close to that woman’s stuffing.

    Like

  5. Doug in Oakland
    June 15, 2016 at 5:58 pm

    Yeah, bears can be persistent when they want to. My brother and I woke up on the bank of the Klamath river one morning with a black bear between us and the boat. My brother and the bear just stood up and yelled at one another for a while, until the bear got bored with it, went back down on all fours, walked into the river and pulled out a fish. My brother, who hadn’t caught any fish yet that trip was mildly insulted, and if I had known urban speak at the time I would have said “He’s clowning you, Ron…”

    Like

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