How Am I Going To Explain This to Joe?

I have a salon appointment tonight.  A little strategically placed bleach and, voila, I’m sun streaked for another 6 weeks.

I know, at some point, Joe will ask me how I’m doing with the bun enhancer he sold me the last time I was there. The truth is, I wore it for about a half hour and now it’s crammed inside my cosmetics bag, where it is constantly in the way of whatever I’m trying to find.  I don’t want to throw it away, but I don’t want anyone to see it and be scared. It’s a little scary looking.

Joe might be the most charming person I’ve ever met.  Every appointment, he shows me something else they are selling in the shop.  It doesn’t have to have anything to do with beauty to be sold in the shop.  It has to be something someone Joe knows is trying to sell. Once, it was homemade tissue box holders.

I’m a sales person. I’m onto Joe. You show someone something, you create desire or need, you sell it to them. I rarely desire or need anything in the shop except the company of Joe’s big personality. The bun enhancer was an anomaly-it addressed my biggest insecurity. It’s basically an elastic with fake hair tied to it. Joe trimmed my hair, blew it dry, then wrapped the  fake hair thingy around it to form a bun.

I have very fine hair and buns just don’t happen. Neither do French twists, braids, curls or anything else hair-related. It’s like my hair is anemic or maybe suffering from some kind of hair defiance disorder (HDD). I’m always looking for a solution.  Enter Joe’s Amazing Bun Enhancer. My head looked full of hair. It was amazing.  He showed me all the ways I could use it. He made me practice until I could do it myself. I couldn’t stop looking at it. He tried to pull the back view mirror away but I grabbed his hand and pulled it back. I was going to rule the world with this bun.  Get lost Breck Girl. Chicken’s here.

I wore it home and was surprised when no one pointed out my excellent hair. I walked by my husband, dropping something on the ground behind me, just so I’d have an excuse to turn around and show off my bun. No reaction. I did a ballerina twirl in front of littleb. Nada.

About a half-hour later, after several awkward moments where my husband walked into a room, saw me, and walked back out, littleb approached.  “Mom. What’s up with your hair?”

Finally!  “Do you like it?”, I gushed, “It’s fake hair!”.

“OMG THANK GOD IT”S FAKE” my husband and son yelled simultaneously.

“I  thought you murdered a chinchilla” my husband said.

“I thought you murdered my teacher!”, littleb added.

And that was the end of the Great Hair Experiment of 2016.  See you later.  I have to go tell Joe his fake hair sucks.

Chicken out

PS I just got back from the salon.  There were about five people in there wearing fake hair buns.  Now that I have a trained eye, I can spot them a mile away.  In Joe’s world, they are all the rage. That’s $100 in Joe’s pocket. I noticed Joe’s not wearing one.

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  14 comments for “How Am I Going To Explain This to Joe?

  1. jenny_o
    July 14, 2016 at 1:26 am

    Oh Chicken, this is hilarious!!!

    I have the opposite problem – WAY too much hair for one head, or for a bun, for that matter – when my hair was long and I made a bun I needed industrial sized hairpins and lots of them, and after five minutes the weight of it gave me a headache. No bun for me either.

    I’m still chuckling over the reactions from your husband and son!

    Liked by 1 person

    • July 14, 2016 at 12:01 pm

      Yes, BigB is a pretty easy read. If he likes something he says so and if he doesn’t he says nothing. It’s probably for the best. I have a feeling the bun enhancer was a gateway prop to hair extensions. Which I’m very curious about.

      Like

  2. July 14, 2016 at 2:45 am

    Aw, why do family members have to be so dang honest when we try something different? I bet it looked nice. I’ve seen these in the store and fondled them with curiosity, being a fine haired, not very bun-ny kind of gal myself. Too bad yours isn’t my color or I’d offer to give it a good home.

    Like

    • July 14, 2016 at 12:03 pm

      Oh, Honey, Joe has them in every color. You let me know what color you need and Joe will send you the perfect match. And then we can see how long it takes your family to figure it out. It will be fun!

      Like

  3. Doug in Oakland
    July 14, 2016 at 2:46 am

    Is Joe the one you wrote the he-said-she-said story about? That was a good story. I have a lot of hair still (my father was as bald as a cue ball by thirty, so I just figured I’d have all the hair I could while I still could) but dollar store hair-ties are about as high tech as I get with it. Wait, I used to sometimes tie it in a top-knot on top of my head when I didn’t have time to wash it in the shower, and a former room mate may or may not have a picture of that phenomenon…

    Like

    • July 14, 2016 at 12:06 pm

      Hi Doug-yes, good memory. Doug, you were ahead of your time! Man buns are all the rage. I wonder if they make masculine bun enhancers. I want to see that picture!

      Like

  4. July 14, 2016 at 1:04 pm

    My granddaughters have fine hair, like their dad. One wears it very short and solves the problem. The other has past shoulder length, and braids it or makes a bun that looks like she’s snatching herself bald. Grandma, she don’t say nothing. One day it was a pouffy bun-do with wisps flying about. I complemented her at once. “I watched how to do it on You Tube for about an hour, and then I got it. It’s called a messy bun.”

    Like

  5. July 15, 2016 at 6:23 pm

    I could probably use an enhancer. Worked my buns off years ago.

    Like

    • July 15, 2016 at 8:50 pm

      Hi Geo
      So you have bony buns? I’m not sure Joe can help you with that although, who knows. Maybe somewhere in the back of the shop he’s got a little something…

      Like

  6. July 15, 2016 at 8:21 pm

    LOL Our husbands may be related. I can completely relate to this post. My daughter had similar hair piece, and she wore it so beautifully. Then there’s me who managed to make it look like the most unnatural thing to ever happen to someone’s head. Thanks for a great laugh! G-uno

    Liked by 1 person

    • July 18, 2016 at 12:11 pm

      Some people can pull it off. I’m not one of those people and apparently neither are you, G-uno:-) We’ll have to leave it to the kids and all Joe’s girls

      Liked by 1 person

  7. July 16, 2016 at 8:59 pm

    Okay, that’s funny. I also have very fine hair, but I think I’d feel self-conscious with fake hair in it. I did have my hair up on a bun of sorts at my wedding – my son’s girlfriend did my hair and curled bits into tendrils. It looked great, but way too my work for any other day.

    Like

    • July 18, 2016 at 12:16 pm

      Hi SAW – you hit the nail on the head. If I wasn’t self-conscious walking out of the salon, I for sure was after my family chimed in, God bless their little hearts. I’m pretty low maintenance, as a rule, but I wouldn’t mind have a hairdresser on staff for daily styling. Real hair only, of course. Although, if I could afford to hire a full time hair maintenance person, I could probably afford the really good hair extensions, too….

      Like

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