Halloween Schmalloween

I’m not afraid of Halloween. So what if there are going to be 50 ten-year-olds in my neighborhood toting red balloons and evil smiles that they’ve practiced in the mirror for weeks? Doesn’t scare me. I KNOW THAT’S YOU, ANTHONY MARINO. GET OFF MY LAWN. TAKE YOUR BALLOON WITH YOU ya little bastard. He is, too, that Anthony. He gets on my last nerve. Do you think Anthony Marino’s grateful for just one mini snickers bar? No. Of course not. Anthony has to dig his oversized mitt down to the bottom of the bowl and drag it up, like a fishing net, and there go all my beautiful little chocolate bars, flip-flopping out of my big orange pumpkin and into Anthony’s pillowcase. He grins up at me, malevolently, as always. Thanks Mrs. C, he leers, I’ll see you later. Why does that feel like a threat? What has he got planned? An evil clown convention in our basement? A tp partay? It doesn’t matter. I’m not scared at all.

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  10 comments for “Halloween Schmalloween

  1. Bella Rum
    October 24, 2017 at 1:01 pm

    LOL I don’t mind the little ones, but when they are taller than me, I draw the line.

    Like

    • October 24, 2017 at 9:59 pm

      One year, around 9 pm, my doorbell rang. I had forgotten to turn off the light. I opened the door and it was a man/boy in a very creepy mask. He didn’t say anything. Just held out his bag. My dog and I gave him a big handful of candy, closed the door, locked it, and hid under the covers until morning.

      Like

  2. October 24, 2017 at 2:05 pm

    Yea, Bella Rum. I tell the older children to try somewhere else, and when they come up empty everywhere, don’t come back next year.
    What’s with the clowns? We mostly have princesses. Must be behind the times.

    Like

    • October 24, 2017 at 9:55 pm

      Hi Joanne, there’s a remake out of the movie, “IT”, based on a Stephen King novel by the same name. The main character is a nasty clown who feeds on children’s souls. My son wants to be IT for Halloween this year. Doesn’t want to see the movie-just wants to be a scary clown. My granddaughter will be a dragon this year. She hasn’t succumbed to Princess fever yet. Probably next year.

      Like

  3. jenny_o
    October 24, 2017 at 5:48 pm

    There’s always one kid, isn’t there. And often more than that, when it comes to mini chocolate bars! I put the treat in each bag myself. I know, I’m a big meany.

    Like

    • October 24, 2017 at 9:52 pm

      There’s usually about 20 of those kids in my neighborhood. I hope my son isn’t one of them haha. I am going to do little candy bags this year just for fun. Maybe. I bought little candy bags. Anyone want to take bets on whether I’ll use them?

      Like

  4. Doug in Oakland
    October 24, 2017 at 7:53 pm

    Last year we didn’t have any trick-or-treaters, despite having bought candy for them at the dollar store. I don’t remember what happened to that candy (he lied). I guess I should get some more candy this year just in case…

    Like

    • October 24, 2017 at 9:46 pm

      You’d better, Doug, just in case you get an Anthony. If not, oh well, good candy will never go to waist. hehe. Or will it?

      Like

  5. October 25, 2017 at 1:14 am

    We will celebrate Halloween in our traditional way: chain and padlock the farmgate, Then drive off to give treats to grandchildren. When we were raising kids, we’d take them to Halloween parties –which became very popular among parents and community organizations 30-40 years ago for some very valid and scary reasons. A good spooky movie or sci-fi flick is also in order when all settles down at home.

    Like

    • October 25, 2017 at 11:17 am

      Hi Geo, will you dress in costume? The rural area where I grew up always seemed safe for trick or treating but we did go to some parties, too. Bobbing for apples was my Halloween nightmare. I only like(d) watching spooky movies with my mom. She could never follow the plot so she’d be asking all kinds of questions throughout that would crack us up and break the tension. “Now who’s that one again?”, “Why is she going in there! Didn’t she just see the killer go in there?”, “WHY IS SHE DOING THAT?”

      Like

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