Making a Good Impression

I love my kale pineapple smoothies. The emerald green color does it for me, you know? Plus, it’s so healthy. I just removed the pepperoni slices from my lunch bag and added my kale pineapple smoothie instead. I’ll eat the pepperoni later in the privacy of my own home where you can’t judge me.

Instead, when I get to work, I’ll indulge in my kale pineapple smoothie. And when I do, I’ll casually wander into your office, smoothie in hand, so that you can witness my superior eating habits and be jealous. That’s right. Take it all in. It’s a lot, I know; the mason jar for that modern rustic touch, the designer straw casually hanging out amongst all the vitamin awesomeness, me in a complementary  navy sweater, looking great and sounding smart as I ask about the numbers from last week…

“What numbers?”, you ask. “The numbers! You know…like, the numbers? The ones that tell our bosses how we’re doing? The ones that bosses on television ask for all the time? The numbers, Dude, where are they?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. What is that disgusting green liquid? If you’re going to eat shit like that, do it in your own office. And where’s your name tag?”

Some people are so hard to impress.

Happy Friday, friends.

In health,

Chicken

P.S. I make my own salad dressing. Just saying.

  12 comments for “Making a Good Impression

  1. November 10, 2017 at 4:50 pm

    I would totally drink a kale pineapple smoothie AND munch on pepperoni as a side. Because balance.

    Like

  2. November 10, 2017 at 6:12 pm

    My comment on the kale smoothie would have been similar, though I wouldn’t ask you to leave. Just make faces while you drink it. From time to time. Because disgusting.

    Like

    • November 10, 2017 at 6:16 pm

      It would be disgusting were it not full of sweet, delicious pineapple. The pineapple makes it palatable. Of course, if you don’t like pineapple, then you’re screwed.

      Like

      • November 11, 2017 at 7:53 pm

        Due to eating an entire can of pineapple at age two, while left alone at the table, I can no longer eat pineapple. We won’t go further into its complications.

        Like

      • November 11, 2017 at 9:30 pm

        Ooh. That doesn’t sound good.

        Like

  3. jenny_o
    November 10, 2017 at 7:48 pm

    Hahaha! Love it. Those green smoothies always remind me of the grey drinks in one of the Back To The Future movies (a scene from the “future” family at the dinner table). Green smoothies don’t look all that appetizing to me, but I think it’s the kind of thing that you have to just close your eyes and try it, right? And SO good for you. I hate washing a blender so much I’ll probably never make one, though. You can have all the ones I won’t be drinking 🙂

    Like

    • November 10, 2017 at 8:43 pm

      1 a day is good for me, thanks. I have a nutrabullet and all good intentions, but the only truly healthy one I like is the kale/pineapple. Luckily, the nutrabullet is also good for strawberry and chocolate milkshakes.

      Like

  4. Doug in Oakland
    November 10, 2017 at 9:08 pm

    I lived in a house once with someone who bought a juicer. I think she used it about five times. The one time I got some from her it was really good.

    Like

    • November 10, 2017 at 10:24 pm

      I’ve never had a juicer but I watched the YouTube movie, “Sick, Fat and Nearly Dead” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9x0Ppzw7nWU and almost bought one. In the end, I figured having the fiber from the veggies and fruit would probably be better than just having the juice so I stuck with the Nutrabullet.

      Like

  5. Bella Rum
    November 11, 2017 at 8:22 am

    LOL I’m up in the middle of the night and you’re making me laugh. Not an easy thing to do.

    Like

    • November 11, 2017 at 10:44 am

      Thanks Bella Rum. I’m up early and it might as well be the middle of the night because it is pitch back

      Like

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