I love my kale pineapple smoothies. The emerald green color does it for me, you know? Plus, it’s so healthy. I just removed the pepperoni slices from my lunch bag and added my kale pineapple smoothie instead. I’ll eat the pepperoni later in the privacy of my own home where you can’t judge me.
Instead, when I get to work, I’ll indulge in my kale pineapple smoothie. And when I do, I’ll casually wander into your office, smoothie in hand, so that you can witness my superior eating habits and be jealous. That’s right. Take it all in. It’s a lot, I know; the mason jar for that modern rustic touch, the designer straw casually hanging out amongst all the vitamin awesomeness, me in a complimentary navy sweater, looking great and sounding smart as I ask about the numbers from last week…
“What numbers?”, you ask. “The numbers! You know…like, the numbers? The ones that tell our bosses how we’re doing? The ones that bosses on television ask for all the time? The numbers, Dude, where are they?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. What is that disgusting green liquid? If you’re going to eat shit like that, do it in your own office. And where’s your name tag?”
Some people are so hard to impress.
Happy Friday, friends.
P.S. I make my own salad dressing. Just saying.