I was on a roll for awhile. I was a rolling stone. There was no moss in sight. The train had left the station, there was no stopping me, the wheels were turning…
And it felt so good. I felt so alive, so on top of my game. I was getting everything done, waking up early, eating right, exercising, maintaining. I had achieved….balance.
Do you know how long I’ve been chasing that elusive state? Some people are born steady and consistent. They think things through, they maintain focus, they put one foot in front of the other. They make good choices. That was not me. I was born a little more slap dash, my drummer a little more offbeat. I chased what was of interest in the moment and that changed often. I lacked depth and consistency. I did not lack spontaneity. I’ve heard it said that if you have curly hair you want straight hair, if you have straight hair you want curly hair, if you have no hair, you maybe want some hair, and if you have hair, maybe you shave your head. I didn’t want spontaneity. I wanted consistency. I craved Balance.
And I finally got there, at least I thought I had. But then one day, recently, okay Monday, I woke up and I didn’t feel like meditating. I did it anyways. At lunchtime I didn’t feel like walking but I did it anyways. I came home and I didn’t feel like making anything healthy for dinner but I did anyways. I thought, tomorrow’s another day. Tomorrow, I’ll be back in my groove. My groovy balanced state of being. The next day I didn’t feel like meditating so I didn’t. I didn’t feel like walking so I didn’t. I came home and felt like eating ice cream so I did. Then I went to bed early because I thought, I’ve got to get over this, got to get back on track.
But I think that train may have left the station without me.
I’m not sure what tipped the scales out of whack. I know that it will come back because I’ve gotten quite good at chasing balance. In fact, haven’t you heard? Chasing balance is the new Balance. Maybe tomorrow I’ll try yoga.
How has your balance been or do you care? How do you maintain it or do you? Asking for a friend.
Here’s a good song on the subject: Christine and the Queens: Tilted