A few years or maybe a decade ago a wrote a post about how Nora Ephron felt bad about her neck but I felt bad about my brows. In the time since that post, I continued to mourn my lack of facial hair. This year, I stopped whining and looked for solutions. If Richard Branson can build his own rocket and take his bushy brows into space, then surely, somewhere, existed a solution for my little problem. As a birthday present to myself, I invested in a serum named, promisingly, neu brow. It held all the promise, to me, of the troll doll I won at a birthday party in the 70s, and rubbed the head of daily for good luck. I don’t remember that troll doll saving me from my awkward fourth grade social situation but dang, that neu brow stuff worked. I now have a full set of brows punctuating my narrow face and highlighting the previously less noticeable bags under my eyes. The neu brows are three shades darker than my hair so it’s not an ideal situation, but at least I have something to work with. If anyone knows of a good under eye miracle cream let me know in the comments below. Or maybe I’ll buy one of those good luck trolls on Etsy.
Chicken out
Chicken's Consigliere 
Hi Chicken! I didn’t know there was something to help brows – I could use that, although only on the outer half of each one – but I remember my father’s glaucoma medication giving him the longest, lushest eyelashes – all the personal care worker gals at the nursing home admired them. Apparently in some places (the USA is one, I think) you can get it for just that purpose. In Canada you have to actually have glaucoma to get a prescription. As for under the eye bags, I cannae help ye, lass. In return I have a question for you: do you know of any way to stop a twitch in my eye? It’s been going on for close to a year now. Comes and goes. I might do better if I stopped reading so much, but then I’d be crying all the time and I’d have a different problem.
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Hi Jenny, I came across it on Instagram. This blogger had nice, normal eyebrows and then, suddenly, she had Melanie Trump eyebrows and I thought to myself, well, that’s interesting. I wonder how that happened…eyebrow transplant? But no, it was this stuff. The outer half is where I mostly need it, too. Your story about your father’s lashes reminded me of another story. I used to smoke and I tried to quit all the time. I read about this anti-depressant that had a side effect of curbing a desire for nicotine. I forget what it was called, but I asked my doctor if I could try it and she wrote me a prescription. The pharmacist asked me why I was getting the prescription and I said I was trying to quit smoking. I asked why he asked. He said, because, if you were using it for depression, your co-pay would be $5 but if you are using it as smoking deterrent, then your insurance doesn’t cover it. So then I said, well, what if I said that I was using it for depression because I’m sad that I’m a smoker. That, he said, would be insurance fraud. So I paid for it and then didn’t sleep for several days and started hallucinations. When I hallucinated that a large bugle bum pink spider was crawling over my hand I gave up. Thankfully, 10 years ago, I finally managed to quit a via a non-conventional visualization strategy that involved running off cliffs, going into a free fall, and then flying off into the horizon. I don’t know why it worked but I’m glad it did. Alas, my friend, I do not think anything can help the bags under my eyes but eye twitching seems to be a popular google search phrase. The Google gods blame fatigue and stress as the likely culprits. That makes sense, right? I wish I could prescribe you a 30 day vacation at a tropical resort with cabanas and umbrella drinks
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Yay! The Chicken posted again! Not knowing anything about makeup my take on neu brows is it’s just an umlaut away from being a German synth pop band.
Briana, who does know about makeup suggested brow liner pencils, whatever they might be. She seems enthusiastic about them, but I’ll leave off trying to translate her thoughts.
It’s good hearing from you again, and wasn’t there some rumor going around about a puppy?
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Hi Doug, Oooh an umlaut away….what poetic phrasing. Is an umlaut anything like a soupçon? Wait, I looked it up. Funny, now I get it hahaha. You’re so right. Brow liner pencils are good, especially if you know how to use them. I could never tell whether I was getting it right or just making an obvious brown crayon mark over my eyebrow because, eyebrows or no eyebrows, I just don’t see very well. And yes! We got a puppy last July. I’ll be writing about her soon. It’s stewing away in there somewhere north of my eyebrows.
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Three cheers for my WordPress account. It brings me Chicken! I must look into new brows, though City Lips didn’t do much for my mouth.
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Yay! Hi Joanne, were you trying to grow some City Lips? I’m not sure why, but I have a vision of that Cheryl Tiegs poster from the 70’s…it was on my brother’s wall and I was looking at it one day and remember thinking, wow, she has really thin lips. She probably would have been in the target market for something called City Lips. Now that I think of it, she probably could use some Neu Brow, also, considering that she may have started the over plucked eye brow trend that Brooke Shields eventually destroyed
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Congratulations on eyebrows! I have minimal makeup skills but am good at applying glitter and while not subtle, it is fun 🙂
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Thank you, LIsa…glitter…now why didn’t I think of that?
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