Bomb Cyclones, Snow Hurricanes and Other Dramas

During the great storm of 1992, I encountered an intruder in my home. My husband was away. That’s the first thing. Secondly, the storm was touted as “historical” and “major” and “dangerous” and other scary words, the scariest of which were “Snow Hurricane”. My children were 6 and 3. We lived on Elm Street. We…

Fashion is a Two-Faced Bitch: Ugly Holiday Sweaters

It’s not as though they don’t know they are ugly. They hang on their own rack, segregated from all the other clothes in the store, under a sign that says, “Ugly Holiday Sweaters $9.99 and up”. If the clothing industry had an advocacy organization it would be all over this because, clearly, it is a discriminatory…

It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like….Wednesday?

It sure doesn’t look like Christmas. Our tree is lying in the garage (FYI, today I’m pronouncing garage with the emphasis on the first syllable and I don’t know why. Let’s just go with it.) So yeah, it’s lying in the GA-rage, where it’s been since Sunday, probably infested with aphids and spiders and possibly…

I Went Christmas Shopping and Survived

I went shopping yesterday. I needed some deer. Not real deer, just a couple small not-real reindeer, to round out my holiday decorating. As some of you know from my holiday sing-along post, circa 2014, I equate holiday shopping with the fifth circle of hell. This year, however, I was dressing up my fireplace mantle…

Shopping Hell (A Christmas Carol)

Dashing to the mall With the family today Whose idea was this? Fighting all the way. The lights won’t ever change This traffic is so slow It’s so hard to find a space To park the car and go   Ohhhhh Shopping Hell, Shopping Hell Shopping all day long One has to pee, one wants…

Letter to Santa

Dear Santa, Hiiiiiiiiii!  How are you?  How was your Thanksgiving?  How is the missus, and the elves and the reindeer.  Did Rudolf get that glowing nose problem cleared up? Question:  How good is good?  I mean, could you clarify?  Because I am confused, and here it is almost Christmas.  Are we talking Mother Theresa good?…

Santa Maybe….

Santa maybe, get BigB to trim the treefor meMaybe even hang some lights, Santa BabyCould you call him sometime maybe tonight? Santa Maybe, could we talk about the little one tooIt’s trueHe’s bouncing off the walls around  here, Santa MaybeCould we dose him with the whiskey this once? Think of all the dishes I’ve rinsedThink…

Dear Target:

Dear Target: I will be shopping in your store on Black Friday from 2 PM to approximately 4 PM.  Thank you for limiting store occupancy during this period to 50 occupants or less.  While I normally prefer far fewer people sharing my shopping experience, I am aware that you have a business to run.  I…